By RICH FOLEY
After a fairly long period of not having any dreams at night, at least none that I remembered upon awakening, that has now changed. I’ve recently been taking an asthma pill that lists abnormal dreams and sleep-walking among a fairly long list of side effects. And I must say, recent dreams have been rather high on the abnormal scale.
Last week, I had I had a couple of very memorable dreams fitting that description just two days apart. And for a change, I remember them both in detail. In the first one, which occurred Monday night, my “abnormal dream” was a lot more like a nightmare.
In it, I returned home and discovered that someone had attacked my beloved childhood toy bear, Teddy. I’ve written before about my older brother sawing the foam rubber head off Teddy over 50 years ago. Back them, my mother was able to reattach his head with some sort of glue and I still have him to this day.
In the dream, the attacker was the son of a friend I haven’t seen in several years, but he was still the same age as when I last saw him. My mother, who died almost 40 years ago, was also in the dream.
When I discovered him, Teddy had lost both a front and a rear leg. I went to find my mother to do her magic once again. By the time I returned with her, the culprit had made another visit, detaching Teddy’s remaining legs and slashing his body dozens of times. My friend was dead, at least as dead as a toy bear can be.
Upon awakening from the ordeal, I remembered that Monday was what would have been my mother’s 102nd birthday had she not died in 1979. I’m sure a psychiatrist would have some explanation for the dream, but I’m not sure if I want to know what it might be.
Two days later came another odd dream, but this time, I don’t think I’ll complain. At the beginning, I stopped into a convenience store in Chelsea, although I have no idea why I had went to Washtenaw County in the first place. Incredibly, entertainer Lady Gaga was inside the store, making an appearance on behalf of the Pepsi company.
Surprisingly, there wasn’t as big of a crowd as you might expect for such a celebrity. Therefore, I was able to say hello and get an autographed photo. So far, so good.
As the dream continued, the next day found me visiting the Tecumseh Herald on an errand where, amazingly, Gaga had stopped in to promote her appearance at a Tecumseh party store. Even better, she recognized me from the day before and asked if I was stalking her. Her entourage found that hilarious. Gaga then said, “Just kidding!” and walked over and gave me a hug. And then the dream got even better.
She asked if I wanted to accompany her group to her local store appearance. When I said I should be getting back to work, she laughed and said, “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll write a note to your teacher!” That was fine with me. After all, I was getting to hang out with Lady Gaga.
Gaga said I could ride to the appearance with her if I wanted. I’m sure you can guess my answer. It turned out she had a mid-1960’s Chrysler convertible, similar to the one the B-52’s sang about in “Love Shack.” And just like the car in their video, Gaga’s Chrysler also was as big as a whale and seated about twenty.
Eventually, after the line of people waiting to meet her at the store dwindled in size, she asked a member of her posse to go get her video camera from the car. When he returned with it, she turned to me and said, “I’ve got a great idea for a short film. How’d you like to play my boyfriend?”
I told her that I was probably too old to pull that off, but she said that wasn’t true because she is friends with Tony Bennett and “He is way older than you!” (In real life, that’s true. He’s 30 years older). Right about then, a thought occurred to the dream me: Lady Gaga wants you to pretend to be her boyfriend. Why are you trying to come up with reasons not to? I came to my senses (even though I was asleep) and agreed to be in her film.
Unfortunately, that’s when I woke up. As I write this, it’s been five days since the dream and it’s starting to look like I won’t be having any more episodes detailing my “date” with Gaga. Not only that, I’ve looked all over my apartment and can’t find that note she promised me. I guess everyone will just have to take my word.