Columns

2017.01.05 Horse felons, bikini cops and more calls

By RICH FOLEY

A year or so ago, I wrote about odd police calls from a city in an adjoining county. I now have some more, but first, some strange law enforcement stories from around the country and around the world.

Back in July, Mikaela Kellner, an 11-year veteran of the Stockholm, Sweden police force, was sunbathing with some friends in a Stockholm park. A man selling newspapers approached the group, then left. One of Kellner’s friends then discovered her mobile phone was missing. I suppose a cynical person would say that’s what she gets for trusting a person selling newspapers, but I digress.

Kellner, clad only in a bikini, ran after the suspected thief, eventually catching up with him. She then tackled him and pinned him to the ground. Soon, Kellner was trending on Swedish social media as onlookers posted photos of her making the arrest. I suppose the suspect was sorry he hadn’t stolen all the phones in the park. That was pretty embarrassing for him. Maybe he learned a lesson.

Kellner commented later that she didn’t hesitate to pursue the man while wearing her bikini, adding “If I had been naked I would have intervened as well.” Swedish criminals won’t get a chance to test that possibility as Kellner later resigned from the police force to pursue a career as a personal trainer. I think she’ll probably be a success at that, too.

Back in this country, Alabama to be specific, the city council in Selma is once again confronting one of the biggest problems facing our nation today. I’m talking, of course, about the increase in numbers of diaperless horses roaming city streets.

In 2013, Selma’s city council passed a law requiring that all horses must wear diapers while on Selma streets, but residents, and their horses, aren’t obeying the ordinance. Councilman Michael Johnson said he didn’t really mind citizens riding horses in the city, but was troubled by the smell and sanitary issues caused by those equines ignoring the diaper edict.

Police Chief John Brock told the Selma Times-Journal that his officers were planning stricter enforcement of the diaper law. That’s probably bad news for Mr. Ed and his horse friends. A large increase in citations is expected as Councilman Johnson says he’s only seen one diaper-wearing horse in Selma since the law was passed. I’m not surprised by that fact. After all, where does one go to buy horse diapers?

In Wyoming, criminals may be learning it pays to finish your lunch. In September, someone left a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the scene of a burglary in Cheyenne. Two additional burglaries took place at the same business later in the month, with the total haul including a number of power tools and other equipment.

Thanks to that uneaten sandwich, however, there’s now a suspect in the case. DNA testing on the delicacy at the Wyoming State Crime Lab enabled police to link a suspect to the food. He has pled not guilty to burglary, but should we believe anyone who doesn’t finish his peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Closer to home, there’s still entertainment value in area police logs. For instance, the  November complaint from a person who told police that their neighbor was coming onto their property and dismantling their barn. Was the neighbor rebuilding it on his or her own property? If so, maybe the resident should keep a close eye on their house, too.

Fast food restaurants seem to be hotspots for trouble. At various times during 2016 a person at Subway was “advised not to crawl on the sidewalk to get cigarettes and not to hide from people,” while two men were reported fighting at Dairy Queen and a customer at Taco Bell stopped at the drive-through window and refused to move.

Also, a customer at McDonald’s was “yelling at employees and throwing food.” In August, a car “got hung up on the rock at Little Caesar’s.” Just why do they have a rock, anyway?

My favorite call concerned a report from a person finding footsteps in the snow around a vacant house. Responding officers found “the footsteps were made by an insurance agent.” I’m puzzled as to how they determined that by footprints alone, but if we can now get DNA from a half-eaten sandwich, I guess anything is possible.