By RICH FOLEY
I haven’t had a really strange dream for a few years, that is, until I made up for lost time recently. And it certainly made up for any weirdness I’ve been lacking in my life.
In this one, I’m in Adrian, which has just suffered many inches of rain. Why would I go there, knowing the conditions? Don’t ask me, I only dreamed it.
The dream starts with me driving my Buick into the Adrian Mall parking lot, flooded with several inches of water. There doesn’t even seem to be any vehicles on the side or in the back of the mall, so, like an idiot, I floor it and head for the back.
Soon, I’m racing through water at least 20 inches, if not more, deep. This obviously would stall any normal vehicle if it didn’t float me away, out of control, first. Finally, I decided to head for an exit before mall security learns of my excursion and sets up road blocks.
On my way out of the mall, I pass by a car repair business which actually exists, but nowhere near the mall in real life. Finally, I have an intelligent thought and decide to test my brakes before I get all the way to South Main Street. Wouldn’t want to end up in front of oncoming traffic, now would I?
I tap the brakes and the front ones stop the car instantaneously. The rear brakes, however, are useless and those pesky laws of physics kick in. I feel the rear end of the Lucerne rising, then I’m looking out of the windshield at pavement rising toward me, then, finally, I’m upside down.
I don’t know what was most amazing. That I was able to find the power window switch while hanging upside down, that the windows still worked, or that I was able to unhook myself and get out of the car. I don’t recall the airbags deploying, but maybe they’re not designed to do so when you put your car on its roof.
My next task was to tell the folks at the auto repair place that shouldn’t be there that I’m blocking their driveway and I’d be happy to move my car if they didn’t mind helping me flip it over. Oh, and if they have a few minutes to spare after that, it might be a good idea to check those rear brakes. Seems like a simple job, but not so fast.
The business, which is fairly small in real life, is the size of a football field in my dream. What’s more, it now doesn’t seem to have any doors. I keep walking and walking and when I’m about to turn the corner leading me back to the side I flipped the car on, I finally find an entrance.
I go to the front counter, wait my turn, then tell them I overturned my car alongside the building and could use some help to get it out of their way. They gave me a look that suggested they were questioning my sanity.
Finally, one of the employees said, “If you were really in that car, you’d better get back out there. There’s a bunch of people who’ll want to know that.”
I found my way back to the car, now surrounded by a crowd of police, fire and other first responders. The Buick, which had been turned back over by a tow truck, looked quite a bit different than how I remember leaving it. The roof was now level with the hood and trunk lid and broken glass was everywhere. Two emergency workers with those Hurst “Jaws of Life” tools were preparing to rip the doors off in search of, what? Me, I guess.
I told them there was no reason to destroy the car because no one had been in it but me. They refused to believe I could have been inside the car. I couldn’t blame them and couldn’t explain how the roof was now even with the rest of the car, just minutes after I crawled out the window. I was still trying to convince them not to wreck it any further when I realized I had the keys in my pocket.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “I can prove that’s my car.” I hit the remote start button and to the amazement of all, me included, the Buick started right up. “That’s impossible!” one emergency worker said, so for good measure, I hit the remote horn button and the car honked away happily.
“All right, shut it off!” he said and I did so. The EMTs checked me over and had to admit I didn’t have a scratch. “This is the strangest call I’ve ever been on,” one of them said. “It’s almost like a dream.”
“I know just what you mean,” I answered. “Since you don’t have to take me to the hospital, how about a ride home?”