Columns

2011.03.02 A date at the cemetery

on . Posted in By The Way

By DAVID GREEN

I am a man in waiting. I’m waiting for my wife to wake up and drive me to the cemetery.

Sounds like an odd way to spend a Sunday morning, but that’s where my life is…waiting to go to the cemetery.

I drove out there this morning with camera and tripod looking for a photo. It’s quite unsettling to have nothing in mind for the front page of the paper on a Sunday.

I didn’t really expect to find a picture there this morning, but I was curious to see the storm damage at Riverside Park. I didn’t really expect to get stuck in the snow, either, but I did.

It’s not the snow as much as the ice underneath. I finally gave up trying to back the car up a little icy rise and walked home to get the other car, a shovel and some ashes.

I had the entire walk home to think about what I was going to do. I thought about placing strips of cardboard under the tires, but I could see them just zipping under and out the other side of the tire. 

I needed ashes, I decided, and I knew there were some in the Observer basement left over from the days of coal. But it’s a long walk home from the cemetery and I eventually realized there are ashes in the basement of our house.

We’ve owned this house for more than 25 years and we’ve never thrown away the ashes from a previous owner’s wood-burning stove. It’s only a five-gallon pail of them and I must have known they would come in handy some day.

It worked. I had the car free of the ice almost instantly. I want to testify on behalf of all of you oddballs who don’t throw stuff away because you might use it later.

So I’m waiting to go back to the cemetery. I could walk again, but I have a column to write and the clock keeps moving. 

I visited a website that often gives me weak ideas for a column, but weak becomes strong in moments of desperation.

I read an article about a woman whose name became associated with pornographic websites because of an e-mail exchange she had with a friend. Her article is about protecting your on-line reputation.

It moved me to do that thing that everyone does now and then: Visit Mr. Google and ask about your name.

I’m pleased that I’m contained within only three pages. I wouldn’t want this to go on and on. It’s not all about me, anyway. Googling “David Green” Morenci lets me know there’s a man in Morenci, Ariz., with the same name. He’s president of the Lions Club and runs the Western Auto store.

My very first reference is from “The Erie Hiker,” an excellent website by Mike Ingels. Then come three references from another great website, Doug Donnelly’s “Welcome to the TCC.”

Next there are a few hits from the Observer’s website followed by two references to a letter to the editor that I wrote to the Tecumseh Herald a year ago. Clinton was going through the Redskin school mascot debate. I wrote that I now think of the Redskins as a bowl of potatoes and it doesn’t bother me to write about them. A response to my letter refers to me as a pantywaist.

The next hit is from the Adrian College website because they reprinted a portion of the story I wrote about Dr. Robert Husband and his study of mites. That’s one of my all-time favorite stories.

There’s more of the same until the YouTube and Flickr references start arriving. Here’s one I didn’t know existed: AmericanTowns.com lists videos associated with an area and there’s one of mine that was tagged with Fayette.

Ha! There’s a funny one. The Kentucky Press Association reprinted a little essay I wrote about why newspapers should avoid taking check-passing photos.

Here’s the screwiest one: “Find Hot People in Morenci.” I have a 6.2 hot rating, just ahead of Jay Gould at 6.1. The website says “Hot Scores in Morenci MI Based on Proximity to Toxic Waste Sites.” I’m a little more toxic than Jay.

I occasionally appear under the heading Janitorial Services because I list “writer, janitor” on my Twitter account.

I don’t see anything embarrassing associated with my name and my wife is now up. We’ve got a date at the cemetery.

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