2006.03.01 Hey, Detroit, need a sister?

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

When Morenci school superintendent Kyle Griffith was a classroom teacher, he would have students work on a “sister city” project. The assignment was to locate a city anywhere in the world with a population similar to Morenci’s and then dig in to learn about the place.

Mhlambanyatsi, Swaziland, Höfn, Iceland—most anyplace could become Morenci’s sister city for the sake of a social studies project.

With that background in his head, I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise when Kyle recently suggested that Morenci could become a sister city to Detroit. It might look really nice on the city limits signs: “Morenci, Sister City to Detroit.” Or maybe just Little Detroit.

OK, now you know what got Kyle thinking. First came the recently boarded up building downtown, then came “Little Detroit” spray painted across the plywood. It’s not a very attractive situation and Kyle was trying to find some humor in the predicament. Make some lemonade out of the lemons, as the old saying goes.

Then things seemed to take a turn for the strange. Just look at the recent police report. It wasn’t just the rush of domestic assault charges and suspicious situations on Main Street. There were items never before entered into the logbook, such as a wild cat found in a house and a disorderly parent at a wrestling match.

Then came the report to top all others. I was just finishing breakfast when I heard the call over the police scanner: Unresponsive subject found in a Dumpster at Morenci Deli.

“We really are becoming Little Detroit,” my wife remarked.

Before I had my coat on, officer Don Thompson was on the radio reporting that the unresponsive guy was only sleeping, but even that is a too big city for us. No one in Morenci spends a winter night in a trash receptacle to keep warm. That only happens in Little Detroit.

Then it struck my personal life. First came the Stranger in the Kitchen dream. I stepped from the bathroom to the kitchen in a pitch black night and my hand encountered a person. Back in real life, my wife reported feeling my pelt stand on end.

Next was the Dark Force in the Bedroom. I never did figure that experience out. It was some dark thing moving across the bedroom toward the bed. Maybe it wasn’t a dream at all.

Finally, I was chased in a dream by a menacing man who was angry that I wouldn’t let him through the fence into Dunbar’s Used Cars so he could reclaim his vehicle. I ended up at the police station where a two old friends were having their groceries checked by—he’s back again—Officer Thompson.

“He can’t do that!” I said. “He’s a policeman!”

We’re drifting too far into the lemons here. Back to the creation of a sweet drink.

Kyle knows I’m always looking for a new festival theme. “Town and Country” just doesn’t do it, not the way Adam Johnson’s “Quillback Carpsucker” theme could work or my wife’s “Sleepy Little Town” festival.

But Kyle has really struck it rich with our new sister city and “Little Detroit Days.” After consulting with some natives from the big city, I’ve learned that any celebration must include Vernor’s floats and coney dogs. The Pub could become our little Greektown and R.D. could light the cheese on fire and yell “Opa!”

Kwame Kilpatrick will make a fine grand marshal for our parade, riding beside our own mayor, Kwame Sutherland. We can fashion some sort of People Mover (or maybe a Folks Pusher) to shuttle guests from downtown past our proposed Creekfront development to the park. Don’t forget the hydroplane races on the Bean (or the sewage lagoons).

My friends say we need some sculpture, something to match the Joe Louis fist. For Little Detroit, I suppose, just a finger will do. They say we need a skyline and I tell them we have it if you just lie flat on the sidewalk and look up. Casinos, Bingo halls—is there really much difference?

They say we need something fun like a contest for shooting out street lights and I tell them maybe this is going too far. We’ll change the school mascot to the Pistons or the Fuel Pumps, but we have our limits.

I should point out that Detroit already has a sister city, but with our wholesome image, we’ll be able to push the city of Dubai out of the way.

– March 1, 2006 
  • Front.F.school
    PROGRESS continues on the agriculture classroom addition at Fayette High School. The project will add 2,900 square feet of space and include an overhead door that would allow equipment to be driven inside. The building should be ready for the start of school in August. Work on ball fields and a running track is also underway.
  • Front.rover
    CLEARING THE WAY—Road crossings in the area on the construction route of the Rover natural gas pipeline are marked with poles and flags as preliminary work nears. Ditches and field entry points are covered with thick planks in many areas to support equipment for tree clearing operations. Actual pipeline construction is progressing across Ohio toward a collecting station near Defiance. That segment of the project is expected to wrap up in July. The 42-inch line through Michigan and into Ontario is scheduled for completion in November. The line is projected to transport 3.25 billion cubic feet of natural gas every day.
  • Front.geese
    ON THE MOVE—Six goslings head out on manuevers with their parents in an area lake. Baby waterfowl are showing up in lakes and ponds throughout the area.
  • Accident
    FAYETTE resident Patricia Stambaugh, 64, was declared dead on the scene of a single-vehicle accident Friday morning south of Morenci. Rescue units were called around 9 a.m., but as of Tuesday, law enforcement officers had not yet determined the time of the accident. According to Ohio State Highway Patrol, Stambaugh was driving west on U.S. 20 when her Chevrolet Malibu traveled off the north side of the road and down a steep embankment, coming to rest in Bean Creek (Tiffin River).
  • Front.teacher Leading
    PRESCHOOL MUSIC—Fayette band director Jeffrey Dunford spends the last half hour of the day leading the full-day preschool class in musical activities. Additional photos are on page 7 of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.poles
    MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.
  • Face Paint
    FUN NIGHT FUN—Savanna Miles sits patiently while Abbie White works on a face paint design Friday during the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Gracie Snead watches the progress after having spent time in the chair. Abbie was one of several volunteer painters, each creating their own unique look. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.

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