2006.12.20 Merry Christmas from the land of exploding soap

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

Since this is my last column for the year, I should probably update some previous items and answer a few questions. And, as a special Christmas gift from me to you, I’ll describe a little experiment involving soap, sure to liven up any holiday party.

Several of you have asked if I ever received the missing-in-action Warren Zevon poster I ordered online back in April. Amazingly, it showed up in October, a short five months and eight days after it was mailed. If any of your Christmas presents haven’t arrived on time, don’t give up hope until June, at least.

On the political front, singer/mystery writer/columnist/salsa tycoon/aspiring politician Kinky Friedman failed in his run for the Texas governorship. My niece Shannon ran into him at an event in Houston during the summer and told him all about her nutcase uncle in Ohio who’s always writing about him. Kinky received over 553,000 votes, but current governor Rick Perry was re-elected.

I guess that means I won’t be getting a call to join the Friedman administration in Austin, but Kinky is making lemonade from the lemons. With sales of campaign paraphernalia dropping off, his website has introduced a new line of “Don’t blame me, I voted for Kinky” items.

Speaking of my niece Shannon, she seems poised to pick up where my late Aunt Sue left off. She claimed a selection of Aunt Sue’s cookie sheets, recipes, mixing bowls and other baking supplies after her death and last week, I received a tin of delicious cookies from Shannon’s kitchen, one of fifteen she prepared for the holidays. My nephew’s children are lucky, now they have a cool, cookie-baking aunt just like I had for so many years.

For those of you without a baker in the family, I should mention that the Miracle Box of Donuts haunting the Observer office is nearing the seventh anniversary of its expiration date. Need a great gag gift? How about a really old donut? Order today for Christmas delivery.

And then, there’s the soap trick. I suppose many of you have heard of the stunt publicized on the internet where you dump a roll of Mentos into a two liter bottle of a popular soft drink and watch the pop erupt, geyser-style. I would never suggest you try something so last year as that. Instead, why not risk death by flying metal, glass and plastic by cooking a bar of soap in a microwave oven?

Actually, ruining your microwave is probably your greatest risk if you try this, but in the spirit of not getting sued, why not just read my account of the feat rather that trying it yourself? Or, if you’re willing to buy me a new microwave oven, I might be persuaded to demonstrate the deed for visitors.

For this trick to work, it’s essential that you use a bar of Ivory soap. You science geeks out there know that it is the air bubbles contained in Ivory that allow it to float. It’s those same air bubbles that let the microwave expand the soap to many times its original size, rather that just turn it into a hot, gummy, smoking lump.

For easier microwave cleanup after your experiment, put paper towels or wax paper below the Ivory soap. Then turn the microwave on for 2 minutes or so. I used full power, your microwave may vary. I wonder why microwave ovens don’t have a “soap” button? Probably those pesky lawyers again. Thinking ahead, I had a friend standing by with “911” already dialed on the phone to cut emergency response time.

After about a minute, I swear the soap started to tremble, followed a few seconds later by swelling. The bar will continue to puff up until every air bubble has been heated to many times its original size. In my case, after the bar exceeded football size and headed toward basketball, I shut the microwave off, concerned about permanent damage if soap got into the vent near the top of the microwave cavity.

After I shut the power off, the soap collapsed like a bad soufflé. Then I had another idea. I turned the microwave back on and the fallen remains of soap puffed right back up. I tried this little trick several times and the soap continued to collapse when I turned off the power and revive again when I restarted the oven. It’s just like the perfect Christmas gift, one that keeps on giving.

    – Dec. 20, 2006 
  • Play Practice
    DRAMA—Fayette schools, in conjunction with the Opera House Theater program, will present two plays Friday night at the Fayette Opera House. From the left is Autumn Black, Wyatt Mitchell, Elizabeth Myers, Jonah Perdue, Sam Myers (in the back) and Lauren Dale. Other cast members are Brynn Balmer, Mason Maginn, Ashtyn Dominique, Stephanie Munguia and Sierra Munguia. Jason Stuckey serves as the technician and Trinity Leady is the backstage manager. The plays will be performed during the day Friday for students and for the public at 7 p.m. Friday.
  • Front.F.school
    PROGRESS continues on the agriculture classroom addition at Fayette High School. The project will add 2,900 square feet of space and include an overhead door that would allow equipment to be driven inside. The building should be ready for the start of school in August. Work on ball fields and a running track is also underway.
  • Front.rover
    CLEARING THE WAY—Road crossings in the area on the construction route of the Rover natural gas pipeline are marked with poles and flags as preliminary work nears. Ditches and field entry points are covered with thick planks in many areas to support equipment for tree clearing operations. Actual pipeline construction is progressing across Ohio toward a collecting station near Defiance. That segment of the project is expected to wrap up in July. The 42-inch line through Michigan and into Ontario is scheduled for completion in November. The line is projected to transport 3.25 billion cubic feet of natural gas every day.
  • Front.geese
    ON THE MOVE—Six goslings head out on manuevers with their parents in an area lake. Baby waterfowl are showing up in lakes and ponds throughout the area.
  • Accident
    FAYETTE resident Patricia Stambaugh, 64, was declared dead on the scene of a single-vehicle accident Friday morning south of Morenci. Rescue units were called around 9 a.m., but as of Tuesday, law enforcement officers had not yet determined the time of the accident. According to Ohio State Highway Patrol, Stambaugh was driving west on U.S. 20 when her Chevrolet Malibu traveled off the north side of the road and down a steep embankment, coming to rest in Bean Creek (Tiffin River).
  • Front.teacher Leading
    PRESCHOOL MUSIC—Fayette band director Jeffrey Dunford spends the last half hour of the day leading the full-day preschool class in musical activities. Additional photos are on page 7 of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.poles
    MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.
  • Face Paint
    FUN NIGHT FUN—Savanna Miles sits patiently while Abbie White works on a face paint design Friday during the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Gracie Snead watches the progress after having spent time in the chair. Abbie was one of several volunteer painters, each creating their own unique look. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.

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