2012.07.11 Those odd car ads just keep getting stranger

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

I’m not sure why I’m still checking out used vehicle ads. I’m probably set for many years after my purchase of the barely used Polish Buick (named after its assembly location in Hamtramck) back in February. 

Nonetheless, I still enjoy reading the occasional odd ad, even if I’m not in the market. Many times, the story is more interesting than the car.

Take, for instance, an ad for a 1970 Pontiac Grand Prix. “It’s my old high school car,” the ad begins. “I bought it back 10 years ago to finish with my son, but too busy to finish.” So not only does the son still not have a finished car to drive, he also apparently hasn’t had much father-son time in the last 10 years. 

Someone else with a 1962 Chevy truck for sale says, “I built with plans to paint it later. After 10 years of plowing and wood hauling, it still needs that paint.” At least it runs.

There seems to be a bunch of owners too busy or too lazy to work on their vehicle. The owner of a 1966 Olds Toronado says it “needs new owner, sick of working on it.”

Someone selling a 1976 Chevy Corvette gives this excuse: “Car needs love I can’t give it now.” I almost feel sorry for it.

Another person trying to unload a 1957 Chevy Bel Air says he’s “lost the passion and wife says she wants the garage space.” Goodbye, Bel Air.

Some ads just make me scratch my head in puzzlement, like the person selling a 1979 Chrysler New Yorker. “Has not been driven for the last seven years,” claims the owner. “It started up last summer, I haven’t had time this year to try.” 

That’s funny. You managed to find a few minutes to take a photo and place an ad, but can’t find the time to see if it will start? You’re asking $2,500, Maybe if it started, you could get $3,000.

Then there’s the case of the owner of a 1971 Ford Maverick who says, “not a car you see much.” That’s true, most of them that didn’t rust away to nothing were crushed and recycled into tuna cans years ago.

Another ad for a 1961 Bentley S2 Drop Head Coupe claims that “once completed, this car will be worth a lot of money.” Sounds good, but the owner is already asking $95,000 and you have to finish a restoration on it. How much does the owner think it will be worth after you put well over $100,000 into it?

I’m still trying to figure out why the owner of a 2010 Ford Shelby Mustang GT500 mentions the fact that the “car goes with me sometimes to Frankenmuth.” Do you suppose the car helps him or her pick out Christmas decorations at Bronner’s? Maybe if it’s good, they go enjoy a couple of those chicken dinners at Zehnder’s that Frankenmuth is famous for before they go home.

Or there’s the person advertising a 1998 Mercedes Benz: “Bucket list accomplished!” claims the ad copy. Do they mean the buyer will fulfill their wish of owning a Mercedes, or the seller their wish of getting rid of it?

If you’d like a vehicle with an interesting back story, someone is selling a 1970 Plymouth Satellite GTX formerly owned by daredevil Robby Knievel. Hopefully, he didn’t do too much ramp jumping with it.

Also available is a 1932 Ford signed by actor Paul LeMat of “American Graffiti.” Someone else has a 2004 Ford Mustang Jack Roush edition convertible signed by the NASCAR team owner in three places.

Or how about a 1985 Cadillac Eldorado “celebrity owned” by David Keith of “An Officer and A Gentleman.” What’s more, “when you come to buy the car, you will be able to meet David Keith.” 

There’s somebody sitting behind the wheel in the photo. Maybe it’s David Keith himself. If you’re going to pony up $17,000 for the Caddy, you might as well have him sign it, too.

Someone is advertising a 1983 Chevy truck with over 548,000 miles. “Driven regularly,” states the ad. I would agree with that.

On the flip side is a person with three vehicles, all with super-low miles. Take your pick. A 2003 Chevy SSR with only 21 miles, a 1974 Chevy Camaro with only 20 miles, or a 1990 Chevy SS pickup, just 3.3 miles in over 20 years. I wonder what he’ll buy with the money?

Finally, we have a 1999 Ford F250 truck with a Hiniker plow. “If that isn’t enough to keep up with your summer snow removal tasks,” the ad says, “it also has a salt spreader.” Who knows? Someday you might be glad you bought it. But probably not this month.

  • Front.bridge Cross
    STEP BY STEP—Wyatt Stevens of Morenci makes his way across a rope bridge Sunday during the Michigan DNR’s Great Outdoors Jamboree at Lake Hudson Recreation Area. The Tecumseh Boy Scout Troop constructed the bridge again this year after taking a break in 2016. The Jamboree offered a variety of activities for a wide range of age groups. Morenci’s Stair District Library set up activities again this year and had visits with dozens of kids. See the back page for additional photos.
  • Front.bridge.17
    LEADING THE WAY—The Morenci Area High School marching band led the way across the pedestrian bridge on Morenci’s south side for the annual Labor Day Bridge Walk. The Band Boosters shared profits from the sale of T-shirts with the walk’s sponsor, the Morenci Area Chamber of Commerce. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.eclipse
    LOOKING UP—More than 200 people showed up at Stair District Library Monday afternoon to view the big celestial event with free glasses provided by a grant from the Space Science Institute. The library offered craft activities from noon to 1 p.m., refreshments including Cosmic Cake from Zingerman’s Bakehouse and a live viewing of the eclipse from NASA on a large screen. As the sky darkened slightly, more and more people moved outside to the sidewalk to take a look at the shrinking sun. If you missed it, hang on for the next total eclipse in 2024 as the path comes even closer to this area.
  • Cecil
    THE MAYOR—Cecil Schoonover poses with a collection of garden gnomes that mysteriously arrive and disappear from his property. Along with the gnomes, someone created the sign stating that he is the Mayor of Gnomesville. He hasn’t yet tracked down the people involved in the prank, but he’s having a good time with the mystery.
  • Front.rest
    TAKE A BREAK—Last Wednesday’s session of Stair District Library’s Summer Reading Program ended with a quiet period in a class presented by yoga instructor Melany Gladieux of Toledo. Children learned a variety of yoga poses in the main room at the library, then finished off the session relaxing. Additional photos are on page 7. Area children are invited to visit the library today when the Michigan Science Center presents a flight program at 11 a.m. and roller coasters at 1 p.m.
  • Front.batter
    THE DERBY—Tyler “Smallpox” Flakne of Minnesota’s Home Run League All-Stars goes for the fence Friday night during the National Wiffle League Association’s home run derby in Morenci. This year the wiffleball national tournament moved from Dublin, Ohio, to Morenci’s Wakefield Park. During the derby, competitors had two minutes to hit as many home runs as possible. The winner this year finished with 21. See page 6 and 7 for additional photos.
  • Front.green Screen
    OUT OF THIS WORLD—Elizabeth McFadden and Elise Christle pose in front of the green screen as VolunTeen Noah Gilson makes them appear as though they are standing on the Moon. More photos from the Stair District Library’s NASA @ My Library program are on page 12.
  • Front.fireworks
    FIREWORKS erupt Saturday night over Morenci’s Wakefield Park during the waning hours of the Town and Country Festival. Additional festival photos are inside.
  • Front.batter

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