The Weekly Newspaper serving the citizens of Morenci, Mich., Fayette, Ohio, and surrounding areas.

  • Front.cheers
    MACEE BEERS joins other Fayette Elementary School students for the annual Mini-Cheer performance during the half-time break at the basketball game.
  • Family.3.wide
    CHILDREN at Stair District Library’s Family Story Time toss scarves into the air during an activity. The evening program provided a mix of stories, songs, dancing, crafts and snacks Monday evening. The program is offered at 5:30 p.m. every Monday for five more weeks. The program is designed for three to five year olds and their family.
  • Front.newpaper.2
    THE INTERVIEW—Evelyn Joughin (right) records the interaction with an iPad while Jack Varga, next to her, asks questions of Morenci Elementary School principal Gail Frey. Morenci senior Sam Cool (standing) listens. Cool serves as the editor for the newspaper written by members of Mrs. Barrett’s second grade class.
  • Front.code.2
    WRITING CODE—Brock Christle (left), a Morenci fifth grade student, takes a look at the progress being made by fourth grader Anthony Lewis. Libby Rorick, a sixth grade student, is next in a line of girls trying out the coding tutorials. This year marked Morenci’s second year of participation in the Hour of Code project.
  • Front.gym.new
    REMIE RYAN (left) tries to dodge the foam wand held by Hayden Bays during physical education class at Morenci Elementary School. In the background, Lauryn Dominique and Brooklyn Williams stay clear of the tag. Second grade students were working on cardiovascular health on the first day back from vacation. For the record, Safety Tag is a very difficult sport to photograph.
  • Front.lift
    MORENCI student Dalton McCowan puts everything into a dead lift attempt Saturday morning during the Wyseguy Push/Pull event. Lifters helped raise more than $1,600 for the family of the late Devin Wyse, a former Morenci power-lifter who graduated last year. Commemorative T-shirts are still available by contacting teacher Dan Hoffman.
  • Front.library.books
    MACK DICKSON takes a book off the “blind date” cart at the Fayette library. Patrons can choose a book without knowing what’s inside other than a general category. The books are among those designated for removal so patrons can consider them gifts. In Morenci, new books and staff favorites were chosen from the stacks and must be returned. Patrons get a piece of chocolate, too, to take on their date, but no clue about their “date.” One reader said she really enjoyed her book for a few pages, but then lost interest—so typical for a blind date.

2012.02.22 What do I need to get Jay Leno’s attention?

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

I’ve always been a bit jealous of writers who get others to do their research for them. Some of you may be familiar with the “News of the Weird” column in which Chuck Shepherd edits and reruns odd news items sent in by readers. No need to leave the office, just wait for the news to roll in.

Back when he wrote a regular column, Dave Barry often thanked an “alert reader” who sent in a strange news item that Barry then used as a column idea. It was a goal of mine to become an alert reader, but at the time, I never came across anything I considered worthy. At least Barry gave his contributors credit by name, unless several sent in the same article.

Now Jay Leno does much the same thing on “The Tonight Show” with his “Headlines” and “Police Blotter” features. I actually sent some contributions in last summer, but none of them made the cut. I thought an ad for toothpaste containing an endorsement from a dentist named “Dr. Fang”  would make it, but no luck. 

A few months later, a “Headlines” segment showing several ads for doctors with odd names had one for another Dr. Fang. Is that a common name for dentists? I felt slightly cheated, but since Leno doesn’t give credit to contributors, no one would know, anyway.

An old ad with a local connection actually made Leno’s feature earlier this year. Several years ago, an advertising insert for Chief Supermarkets which ran in the Observer, along with several other papers, advertised a meat item that was a certain percent “fat free.” Only it didn’t say “fat;” instead it was related intestinal gas. Someone must have taken the ad out of their scrapbook and sent it in.

I’d think Leno would like some of the strange car ads I repeat at times, but for some reason, he never seems to show any. That’s odd, since he’s such a car guy. Instead, I’ve rounded up a few more ads, headlines and contributions for “Police Blotter.” Maybe he’ll like something out of this batch. 

I have an ad from an Adrian store for Del Monte Fruit Cocktail. “Your Choice!,” says the ad. “2/$1 or $1 each.” After some thought, I think I’ll take the 2/$1.

A Mexican restaurant in Defiance recently ran a hard-to-resist coupon: “Spend $50 and receive $1 off entire order!” Really? A whopping 2 per cent off? I hope they were able to handle the crowds.  

Maybe he’d like this headline about a California marijuana initiative: “Pot measure’s immediate effect remains up in air.”

My best chance of making the show might come when Jay does the “Police Blotter” feature. Lenawee County has had some interesting police reports recently. Jay almost has to like one of these. 

In the first one, the Adrian Police Department answered a call at 4 a.m. regarding a man who was said to be “breaking glass and creating a disturbance.” The man told police he was celebrating because “a friend was coming to pick him up in a limousine with Sandra Bullock.” He was arrested for disorderly conduct and released on bond.

At 11:50 a.m., officers returned after complaints the same man was standing in the street “yelling he was going to blow up his house.” I sure hope Ms. Bullock wasn’t inside. This time, he was jailed.

In a report from the Michigan State Police, an Onsted woman was injured when her car left U.S. 223 in Rome Township and overturned several times. That’s never a happy situation, but it’s hard not to laugh at the cause of her losing control. 

The woman told troopers she was eating yogurt at the time of the crash. And no, she wasn’t Jamie Lee Curtis. She did, however, get a citation for careless driving.

Leno, as a fast food fan, ought to appreciate the final item. An Adrian woman, driving south on North Main Street, called the Adrian Police Department after someone in a northbound car threw something at her vehicle.

The object in question, according to the police report, was a McDonald’s  McChicken sandwich. The woman reported that the car fled the scene. The police had no suspects at the time of the report.

No suspects at all? Do we know what Mayor McCheese and Grimace were doing at the time? And how about that Burger King? He always looked pretty suspicious to me.

That’s all I’ve got for now, Jay. Take your pick.

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