2006.08.02 No time like the present for a vehicle with a past

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

I’m not currently in the market for a new vehicle, but I can’t help checking out the classified ads anyway. There’s always something funny, puzzling or weird to amuse me. Sometimes, I’m not sure if the seller is serious or not.

For example, an ad for a 1958 Dodge Coronet states, “must sell, have two 1958 Dodges.” That couldn’t have been a surprise, he had to buy them in the first place, right?

Or the seller of a 1965 Mustang who claims “car is garage kept in a filtered air capsule.” Gee, just like that John Travolta movie where he was a boy in a plastic bubble.

I enjoy the ads where honesty really is the policy, such as: “1982 Ford F100...don’t expect much,  $450.”

Or “1970 Pontiac Trans Am....looks good from a distance.”

Perhaps you’d prefer a “1957 Nash Metropolitan Convertible, former Shriner’s parade car...no top fabric, terrible paint and upholstery.”

Too old? How about a “1987 Ford Mustang GT. Loud, fast and rusty...$1,100.”

How about a “1991 Chevy short box...61,000 miles, Odometer only works part time.” At least they’re honest about it, just like the owner of the “1998 Jeep Cherokee Sport...tires 75% good!” Do they mean each tire has 3/4 of their original tread or three are new and one is bald?

Then there’s the “2004 Hyundai Accent...great on gas, after all, how far can you drive one of these?”

Maybe you’d like a car with two great selling points, like this “1987 Ford Thunderbird...needs only headlights to legally drive, ...Hood latch works, $1,000.”   

I personally like the ad for the 1991 Dodge Stealth: “needs engine and window regulator, ran and drove good before.” You probably could have nursed it along without the engine, but that window regulator is essential.

Could you use a nice truck? “1994 Ford F250 Supercab...don’t let the largely unattractive exterior fool you, this truck’s interior is kinda rough, too”     

I laughed at the ad for the 1971 Ford Pinto for $750 which stated “no dreamers.” Does anyone really dream of a 1971 Pinto?

Then there’s the 1973 Corvette ad which states: “The last owner was an adult woman that cared for this car as if it were her own child.” That would explain the pacifier and burp cloth in the glove box.

There’s no lack of cars with celebrity connections, some more celebrated than others.

How about a 1986 Mercedes Benz 560SL, formerly owned by the late Dean Martin? Or another celeb Mercedes, a 1987 450SL owned by the late Redd Foxx of “Sanford and Son” fame? 

Some celebrity cars are even available with autographs. Only $6,950 will get you a replica of Ernie Irvan’s 1989 Pontiac Grand Prix NASCAR stock car, autographed by Ernie. Or someone with $29,000 to blow may prefer the 1981 Delorean with “dash signed by John Delorean, a story in itself.” Unfortunately, the owner doesn’t share the story in the ad, nor does the ad say if the car comes with snow tires. 

Or how about a 1971 Pontiac Catalina, once owned by the Wrigley company. Don’t be surprised to find gum under the seats.

Want a remembrance of a long-forgotten 1960s rock group? How about a 1975 Pontiac Firebird, purchased from the dealer by Ventures guitarist Don Wilson for his girlfriend, just $22,500?

Or how about two celeb stories in one vehicle? Just $28,000 will get you an authentic 1976 Ford Torino “Starsky and Hutch” coupe “celebrity owned by ‘Funk Master Flex.’” I must admit I’ve never heard of Mr. Flex, but what the heck, I’m sure he doesn’t know me, either.

Finally, we have a few cars used in obscure movies.  Interested in a 1969 Dodge Coronet 4 door, featured in a flick called “Circumstances Of Fate?” It’s only $6,800, which means I’m probably not the only one who doesn’t remember the movie.

A whopping $99,000 will get you a 55 foot Lincoln limousine, supposedly seen in a movie starring Bruce Willis called “North.” I’m drawing a blank on this one, too, as well as “The Punisher,” a movie starring John Travolta. At least the Travolta movie’s 1968 Plymouth Road Runner is available at $16,900, a great price for a 60s muscle car.

Finally, there’s a person who wants to sell a 1966 Chevy El Camino, “as seen in movie ‘American Graffiti.’” I hate to call anyone a liar, but since the movie was set in 1962, do you suppose there really was a 1966 Chevy in it? Misleading exaggerations in the car ads, can you believe that?

   - Aug. 2, 2006

 

  • Play Practice
    DRAMA—Fayette schools, in conjunction with the Opera House Theater program, will present two plays Friday night at the Fayette Opera House. From the left is Autumn Black, Wyatt Mitchell, Elizabeth Myers, Jonah Perdue, Sam Myers (in the back) and Lauren Dale. Other cast members are Brynn Balmer, Mason Maginn, Ashtyn Dominique, Stephanie Munguia and Sierra Munguia. Jason Stuckey serves as the technician and Trinity Leady is the backstage manager. The plays will be performed during the day Friday for students and for the public at 7 p.m. Friday.
  • Front.F.school
    PROGRESS continues on the agriculture classroom addition at Fayette High School. The project will add 2,900 square feet of space and include an overhead door that would allow equipment to be driven inside. The building should be ready for the start of school in August. Work on ball fields and a running track is also underway.
  • Front.rover
    CLEARING THE WAY—Road crossings in the area on the construction route of the Rover natural gas pipeline are marked with poles and flags as preliminary work nears. Ditches and field entry points are covered with thick planks in many areas to support equipment for tree clearing operations. Actual pipeline construction is progressing across Ohio toward a collecting station near Defiance. That segment of the project is expected to wrap up in July. The 42-inch line through Michigan and into Ontario is scheduled for completion in November. The line is projected to transport 3.25 billion cubic feet of natural gas every day.
  • Front.geese
    ON THE MOVE—Six goslings head out on manuevers with their parents in an area lake. Baby waterfowl are showing up in lakes and ponds throughout the area.
  • Accident
    FAYETTE resident Patricia Stambaugh, 64, was declared dead on the scene of a single-vehicle accident Friday morning south of Morenci. Rescue units were called around 9 a.m., but as of Tuesday, law enforcement officers had not yet determined the time of the accident. According to Ohio State Highway Patrol, Stambaugh was driving west on U.S. 20 when her Chevrolet Malibu traveled off the north side of the road and down a steep embankment, coming to rest in Bean Creek (Tiffin River).
  • Front.teacher Leading
    PRESCHOOL MUSIC—Fayette band director Jeffrey Dunford spends the last half hour of the day leading the full-day preschool class in musical activities. Additional photos are on page 7 of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.poles
    MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.
  • Face Paint
    FUN NIGHT FUN—Savanna Miles sits patiently while Abbie White works on a face paint design Friday during the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Gracie Snead watches the progress after having spent time in the chair. Abbie was one of several volunteer painters, each creating their own unique look. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.

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