2006.08.02 No time like the present for a vehicle with a past

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

I’m not currently in the market for a new vehicle, but I can’t help checking out the classified ads anyway. There’s always something funny, puzzling or weird to amuse me. Sometimes, I’m not sure if the seller is serious or not.

For example, an ad for a 1958 Dodge Coronet states, “must sell, have two 1958 Dodges.” That couldn’t have been a surprise, he had to buy them in the first place, right?

Or the seller of a 1965 Mustang who claims “car is garage kept in a filtered air capsule.” Gee, just like that John Travolta movie where he was a boy in a plastic bubble.

I enjoy the ads where honesty really is the policy, such as: “1982 Ford F100...don’t expect much,  $450.”

Or “1970 Pontiac Trans Am....looks good from a distance.”

Perhaps you’d prefer a “1957 Nash Metropolitan Convertible, former Shriner’s parade car...no top fabric, terrible paint and upholstery.”

Too old? How about a “1987 Ford Mustang GT. Loud, fast and rusty...$1,100.”

How about a “1991 Chevy short box...61,000 miles, Odometer only works part time.” At least they’re honest about it, just like the owner of the “1998 Jeep Cherokee Sport...tires 75% good!” Do they mean each tire has 3/4 of their original tread or three are new and one is bald?

Then there’s the “2004 Hyundai Accent...great on gas, after all, how far can you drive one of these?”

Maybe you’d like a car with two great selling points, like this “1987 Ford Thunderbird...needs only headlights to legally drive, ...Hood latch works, $1,000.”   

I personally like the ad for the 1991 Dodge Stealth: “needs engine and window regulator, ran and drove good before.” You probably could have nursed it along without the engine, but that window regulator is essential.

Could you use a nice truck? “1994 Ford F250 Supercab...don’t let the largely unattractive exterior fool you, this truck’s interior is kinda rough, too”     

I laughed at the ad for the 1971 Ford Pinto for $750 which stated “no dreamers.” Does anyone really dream of a 1971 Pinto?

Then there’s the 1973 Corvette ad which states: “The last owner was an adult woman that cared for this car as if it were her own child.” That would explain the pacifier and burp cloth in the glove box.

There’s no lack of cars with celebrity connections, some more celebrated than others.

How about a 1986 Mercedes Benz 560SL, formerly owned by the late Dean Martin? Or another celeb Mercedes, a 1987 450SL owned by the late Redd Foxx of “Sanford and Son” fame? 

Some celebrity cars are even available with autographs. Only $6,950 will get you a replica of Ernie Irvan’s 1989 Pontiac Grand Prix NASCAR stock car, autographed by Ernie. Or someone with $29,000 to blow may prefer the 1981 Delorean with “dash signed by John Delorean, a story in itself.” Unfortunately, the owner doesn’t share the story in the ad, nor does the ad say if the car comes with snow tires. 

Or how about a 1971 Pontiac Catalina, once owned by the Wrigley company. Don’t be surprised to find gum under the seats.

Want a remembrance of a long-forgotten 1960s rock group? How about a 1975 Pontiac Firebird, purchased from the dealer by Ventures guitarist Don Wilson for his girlfriend, just $22,500?

Or how about two celeb stories in one vehicle? Just $28,000 will get you an authentic 1976 Ford Torino “Starsky and Hutch” coupe “celebrity owned by ‘Funk Master Flex.’” I must admit I’ve never heard of Mr. Flex, but what the heck, I’m sure he doesn’t know me, either.

Finally, we have a few cars used in obscure movies.  Interested in a 1969 Dodge Coronet 4 door, featured in a flick called “Circumstances Of Fate?” It’s only $6,800, which means I’m probably not the only one who doesn’t remember the movie.

A whopping $99,000 will get you a 55 foot Lincoln limousine, supposedly seen in a movie starring Bruce Willis called “North.” I’m drawing a blank on this one, too, as well as “The Punisher,” a movie starring John Travolta. At least the Travolta movie’s 1968 Plymouth Road Runner is available at $16,900, a great price for a 60s muscle car.

Finally, there’s a person who wants to sell a 1966 Chevy El Camino, “as seen in movie ‘American Graffiti.’” I hate to call anyone a liar, but since the movie was set in 1962, do you suppose there really was a 1966 Chevy in it? Misleading exaggerations in the car ads, can you believe that?

   - Aug. 2, 2006

 

  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks
  • Front.sculpta
    SCULPTORS—Morenci third grade students Emersyn Thompson (left) and Marissa Lawrence turn spaghetti sticks into mini sculptures Friday during a class visit to Stair District Library. All Morenci Elementary School classes recently visited the library to experience the creative construction toys purchased through the “Sculptamania!” project, funded by a Disney Curiosity Creates grant. The grant is administered by the Association for Library Services to Children, a division of the American Library Association.
  • Funcolor
    LEONIE LEAHY was one of three local hair stylists who volunteered time Friday at the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Her customer, Aubrey Sandusky, looks up at her mother while her hair takes on a perfect match to her outfit. Leahy said she had a great time at the event—nothing but happy clients.
  • Shadow.salon
    LEARNING THE ROPES—Kristy Castillo (left), co-owner of Mane Street Salon, works with Kendal Kuhn as Sierra Orner takes a phone call. The two Morenci Area High School juniors spent Friday at the salon as part of a job shadowing experience.
  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.
  • Front.winner
    REFEREE Camden Miller raises the hand of Morenci Jr. Dawgs wrestler Ryder Ryan as his opponent leaves the mat in disappointment. Morenci’s youth wrestling program served as host for a tournament Saturday morning to raise money for the club. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.bank.2
    SHERWOOD STATE Bank opened its Fayette office at a grand opening Friday morning, drawing a large crowd to view the renovated building. Above, Burt Blue talks to teller Cindy Funk, while his wife, Jackie, looks around the new office. The Blues missed the opening and took a quick tour on Tuesday. Few traces remain of the former grocery store and theater, however, part of the original brick wall still shows in the hallway leading to the back of the building. The drive-through window should be ready for customers later in the month.
  • Front.make.three
    FROM THE LEFT, Landon Wilkins, Ryan White and Logan Blaker try out their artistic skills Saturday afternoon at the Morenci PTO’s first Date to Create event. More than 50 people showed up to create decorated planks of wood to hang from rope. The event served as a fund-raiser for miscellaneous PTO projects. Additional photos are on the back of this week’s Observer.

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