2010.01.20 After Christmas bargains sometimes more than they seem

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

Does anybody else out there enjoy the after-Christmas sales like I do? I don’t mean markdowns on everyday items as much as the 75% to 90% discounts on holiday merchandise. I like getting a deal on something that I’d never consider buying at full price, but becomes hard to pass up at a deep discount.

Say, for example, those individual cookies in a metal box. A bit overpriced at a dollar each before Christmas, but a tasty deal after a New Year’s 75% markdown. And a neat reusable tin after the cookie is gone.

And, if you need any, there’s always a good selection of wrapping paper and Christmas cards at huge discounts. Three or four years ago, I bought several rolls of paper at 90% off. I still have one jumbo roll left from that purchase, but next January will probably have to look to restock for Christmas, 2011.

Last week, I bought enough Christmas cards to cover next December’s needs at 75% off. I’m even willing to offer a tip to others who have already purchased their Christmas cards for 2010. 

Why not address the envelopes now when you have the time to spare? If you’re not one of those who includes a Christmas letter, you can even sign the card and seal the envelopes, too. Then, when you’re so busy next December, all you have to do is stamp and mail them. You can thank me later.

I found an appropriate Christmas gift for someone at 75% off. Since the recipient reads this column, I can’t tell you any more than that. That’s one off my list already and I’ve got over eleven months to work on the rest.

Sometimes, even a huge discount is barely enough. I bought an interesting looking jar shaped like a Christmas tree and covered with painted polka dots for ornaments for $1.24, 75% off its original tag.

The jar wasn’t the major selling point, of course. It was filled with hot cocoa. It was even made in USA cocoa, although the jar came from China. 

It turned out the cocoa was terrible, and I pitched the whole batch after one sip of my first cup. I hope no one got this as an actual present. At least the empty Chinese jar looks nice.

Then, finally, there was the candy defecating bear. Marked down 75% from $3.99 to a how-could-I-resist 99 cents, this little brown treasure is apparently the latest in Chinese technology. 

He was dressed for the season in a Santa hat and scarf, along with an open toy sack. Flicking a switch on his back opens up his rear opening (OK, it’s really his bear anus). Then push down on his head and rather than pooping in the woods, the bear defecates a hard candy into the toy sack. Lots of classy fun, right?

Even better, he sings a little song as he does his business. Some of it seems to be gibberish, but the gist of it sounds like he’s singing “Zopp zopp zoppadoo, zoppa zoppa zoppadoo, happy holiday!” He sings the little ditty twice before going silent, so he must be especially proud of his hard candy bowel movement.

Last Saturday, I decided to share the joy he has brought me and passed him along to a visiting friend. About 15 minutes after she and my little pooping bear pal left, I got a phone call. “That @#$!%&* bear won’t shut up!” were her first words. It seems that on her way out of town, the bear started singing his little song without any prompting and was still harmonizing in the background as she called me on her way through Morenci.

I suggested she tap him on the head a few times and see if that might quiet him. After a few tries, he finally stopped and she continued on her way. After reaching home in Blissfield, she called again. 

The bear had resumed singing right after she had hung up and continued crooning all the way to his new home, even after she had thrown him behind her seat in an attempt to shut him up. She was calling from inside her apartment. The still-singing bear was left behind in the truck for the night. She was hoping 12 or 15 hours of being “on” might wear out the bear’s voice, or at least his built-in battery.

 Sunday night, she reported that the bear was quiet when she next got in her truck, but broke into song without warning several times during the day. She’s quite sure it’s haunted. That may or may not be true, but hey, what do you want? It was 75% off.

  • Front.pokemon
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    on your mark, get set, drum!—Drew Joughin (black shirt), Maddox Joughin and Kaleea Braun took the front row last week when Angela Rettle and assistants led the Stair District Library Summer Reading Program kids in a session of cardio drumming. The sports and healthy living theme continued yesterday with a Mini Jamboree at Lake Hudson State Park arranged by the Michigan Department of Natural Resources. Next week’s program features the Flying Aces Frisbee show.
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    NADIYA YORK and Aniston Valentine take a spin on the Casino, one of the rides offered at Wakefield Park during Morenci’s Town and Country Festival. This year’s festival remained dry but with plenty of heat during the three-day run. Additional photographs are inside this week’s Observer.
  • Front.softball
    Angela Davis (2) and teammate Allison VanBrandt break into a jig after Morenci's softball team won its third consecutive regional title.
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    ART PARK—A design created by Poggemeyer Design Group shows a “pocket art park” in the green space south of the State Line Observer building. The proposal includes a 12-foot sculpture based on a design created by Morenci sixth grade student Klara Wesley through a school and library collaboration. A wooden band shell is located at the back of the lot. The Observer wall would be covered with a synthetic stucco material. City council members are considering ways to fund the estimated $125,000 project and perhaps tackling construction one step at a time.
  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks
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    LEONIE LEAHY was one of three local hair stylists who volunteered time Friday at the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Her customer, Aubrey Sandusky, looks up at her mother while her hair takes on a perfect match to her outfit. Leahy said she had a great time at the event—nothing but happy clients.
  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.
  • Front.soccer.balls
    BEVY OF BALLS—Stair District Library Summer Reading Program VolunTeens, including Libby Rorick, back left and Ty Kruse, back right, threw a dozen inflatable soccer balls into the crowd during a reading of “Sergio Saves the Game.” The sports-themed program continues on Wednesdays through July 27.
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  • Front.drum
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