2009.05.20 It's not quite Carmageddon

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

 I’m sure that you don’t need me to tell you that General Motors and Chrysler gave the pink slip to nearly 2,000 of their dealers last week, with more to come. Luckily, those retailers in this area have managed to avoid termination so far.

That’s a good thing, as far as I’m concerned. Not only do I have quite a few friends among the ranks of dealership employees, the idea of having to go to some faraway, big-city dealer for service, parts or, hopefully many years in the future, a replacement for my loyal Buick isn’t a prospect I look forward to.

I still have a tough time buying GM and Chrysler’s reasoning for the dealership closures. None of these dealers are costing the company anything, they pay for everything the company sends them. The idea that fewer dealers means less competition for the remaining outlets, allowing them to raise prices, may be nice for the surviving dealers, but isn’t much comfort to customers who will have to travel longer distances to pay higher prices, not to mention the 100,000 or so people this little scheme could put out of work.

Another of the excuses given for dealership closures could backfire on Chrysler and GM big time. We’re always hearing about how Toyota and other foreign automakers have many fewer dealers than the domestic brands. Have they ever considered that abandoning hundreds of smaller towns and leaving empty dealer buildings and unemployed automotive professionals in their wake creates a perfect opportunity for Toyota, Honda and the other companies to move into small town America? Smaller towns they avoided before because of long-entrenched competition will be ripe for a new brand to fill the vacuum.

But enough doom and gloom, some people are still buying cars and others will do anything to sell them. A recent look through the automotive ads found at least one dealer who isn’t picky about who he sells to.

“No credit report,” shouts one ad. “We don’t need your credit report or your divorce papers. Even if you’re ugly, we won’t say no!” They’re even willing to take odd trades: “Push-Pull-Drag-We’ll Take Lawnmowers, Tractors, Diamonds, Motorcycles, Horses, Houses.” Still not sure about your credit? They can’t make it any more clearer than their ad’s tag line: “Unless you have been featured on ‘America’s Most Wanted,’ we can finance you.”

And if that dealer does happen to take in a tractor on trade, there’s an private party seller offering a 1982 Porsche for $2,500 or a tractor. The dealer can sell one car, taking in the tractor on trade, then trade the tractor for the Porsche. Then everybody’s happy, sort of.

Another dealer has a 1965 Ford Galaxie for sale, and I admire his honesty as he admits the car has “Lots of Bondo and rusty frame.” Of course, he still wants $2,800 for it.

A third dealer is advertising a 2008 Chevy Impala for only $9,750. That seems like quite a low price until you read the description and see it has 81,000 miles on it. How do you put 81,000 miles on a year-old car? It’s at a dealership in Muskegon. Do you suppose the previous owner commuted to work in Cleveland?

A person in Charlotte, Mich., has a 2001 Oldsmobile Alero for sale that “had small dash fire.” Before you pass this one by, consider this selling point: “Car doesn’t even stink.” Now you’re ready to buy, aren’t you?

Or maybe you would prefer a 1967 Volkswagen that has been completely torn apart, painted, and has lots of new parts for only $2,000. Wait a minute, there’s one more thing: “Needs to be reassembled,” Maybe we should leave that one to a professional.

Perhaps you’d be better off with a new vehicle. How about a 2009 Dodge Ram Crew Cab pickup, advertised as including “A Hemi with leather for your hiney’s pleasure.” The same dealer has another Dodge Ram with navigation “so you can go back into the woods and rescue your bow-tie buddies.” The guy sounds a little jealous of Chevrolet to me.

And finally, in the “This is a selling point?” department, we have a 1961 Ford Falcon two-door coupe. It has new tires, an AM radio and an automatic transmission, but that’s not why it’s $6,295. No, this little compact supposedly “belonged to Madonna’s dad.” Quick, my checkbook! Just kidding. Actually, I think the chances of someone buying this vehicle are “Borderline.”

  • Homecoming Court
    HOMECOMING—One senior candidate will be chosen Morenci’s fall homecoming queen during half-time ceremonies Friday at the football field. In the back row are seniors Mikayla Price, who will be escorted by Mason Vaughn; Madison Bachman, escorted by Kiegan Merillat, and Mikayla Reinke, escorted by Griffin Grieder. Senior Ariana Roseman is absent from the photo. Her escort is Garrett Smith. In the front is sophomore Abbie White, who will be escorted by Ryder Price; junior Madysen Schmitz, escorted by Harley McCaskey and freshman Madison Keller, escorted by Jarett Cook.
  • Front.cross
    HUDSON RUNNER Jacob Morgan looks toward the top of the hill with dismay during the tough finish at Harrison Lake State Park. Fayette runner Jacob Garrow focuses on the summit, also, during the Eagle Invitational cross country run Saturday morning. Continuing rain and drizzle made the course even more challenging. Results of the race are in this week’s Observer.
  • Front.bear
    HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.
  • Front.crossing
    Crossing over—Jim Heiney was given a U.S. flag to carry by George Vereecke (behind Jim in the hat), turning him into the leader of the parade. Bridge Walk participants cross over Bean Creek while, in the background, members of the Morenci Legion Riders cross the main traffic bridge on East Street South. Additional photos appear on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.hose Testing
    HOSE safety—The FireCatt hose testing company from Troy put Morenci Fire Department hose to the test Monday morning when Mill Street was closed to traffic. The company also checks nozzles and ladders for wear in an effort to keep fire fighters safe while on calls.
  • Front.starting
    BIKE-A-THON—Children in Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program brought their bikes last Tuesday to participate in a bike-a-thon. Riders await the start of the event at the elementary school before being led on a course through town by organizer Leonie Leahy.
  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks

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