The Weekly Newspaper serving the citizens of Morenci, Mich., Fayette, Ohio, and surrounding areas.

  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.
  • Front.winner
    REFEREE Camden Miller raises the hand of Morenci Jr. Dawgs wrestler Ryder Ryan as his opponent leaves the mat in disappointment. Morenci’s youth wrestling program served as host for a tournament Saturday morning to raise money for the club. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.bank.2
    SHERWOOD STATE Bank opened its Fayette office at a grand opening Friday morning, drawing a large crowd to view the renovated building. Above, Burt Blue talks to teller Cindy Funk, while his wife, Jackie, looks around the new office. The Blues missed the opening and took a quick tour on Tuesday. Few traces remain of the former grocery store and theater, however, part of the original brick wall still shows in the hallway leading to the back of the building. The drive-through window should be ready for customers later in the month.
  • Front.carry.casket
    CARRYING—Riley Terry (blue jacket) and Mason Vaughn lead the way, carrying an empty casket outside to the hearse waiting at the curb. Morenci juniors and seniors visited Eagle Funeral Home last week to learn about the role of a funeral director and to understand the process of arranging for a funeral.
  • Front.lift
    MORENCI student Dalton McCowan puts everything into a dead lift attempt Saturday morning during the Wyseguy Push/Pull event. Lifters helped raise more than $1,600 for the family of the late Devin Wyse, a former Morenci power-lifter who graduated last year. Commemorative T-shirts are still available by contacting teacher Dan Hoffman.
  • Front.make.three
    FROM THE LEFT, Landon Wilkins, Ryan White and Logan Blaker try out their artistic skills Saturday afternoon at the Morenci PTO’s first Date to Create event. More than 50 people showed up to create decorated planks of wood to hang from rope. The event served as a fund-raiser for miscellaneous PTO projects. Additional photos are on the back of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.F.office
    NEW OFFICES—Fayette village administrator Steve Blue speaks with tax administrator Genna Biddix at the new front desk of the village office. Village council members voted to use budgeted renovation funds targeted for the old office and instead buy the vacant bank building on the corner of Main and Fayette streets. The old office was sold to Sherwood State Bank. When everything is put into place in the spacious new village office, an open house will be scheduled. Council member David Wheeler donated all of his time needed to make changes in the bank interior to fit the Village’s needs.

2009.03.25 Death by Peep

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

You just never know where the next health threat might come from. I certainly wouldn’t expect it to be from that gentle Easter favorite, the Marshmallow Peep.

Actually it’s not the edible version of the Peep that’s the problem. The simple combination of sugar and marshmallow makes my teeth hurt after ingesting just a few, long before they could cause any real trouble. I’d guess that’s the case with most people. It’s the toy version that could be deadly.

I recently spotted a Peeps brand “Magic Light Up Chick” while shopping in a dollar store. It looked simple enough, just put the plastic chick in water and it lights up with a Peep-like glow. I thought I’d test it out, then give to a friend who enjoys eating Peeps.

Then I noticed a warning on the package back: “Battery contains mercury. Do not put in trash. Recycle or manage as Hazardous Waste.” That’s a bit of a shock. The package front says for ages 4 and up, but the back makes it sound like you should have a few EPA experts on call before opening it.

Yes, apparently it’s safe enough to put in your pre-schooler’s bath water, but too dangerous to dispose of in your trash, as if both were possible. Now I’m not quite sure what to do with mine. I’m afraid to open it, no longer want to give it as a gift and it’s much too embarrassing to take a plastic Peep to a hazardous waste disposal facility. The Peep now sits next to my computer with what I swear is a smirk on its “face.”

If I really wanted to test my mortality, it probably would be a lot simpler just to go to Chandler, Arizona, for a meal at the Heart Attack Grill. The menu there features four hamburgers, called Bypass Burgers, ranging from 1/2 pound up to two pounds. On the side, how about an order of “Flatliner Fries,” deep fried in 100% pig fat? The rest of the menu includes hard liquor, beer and no-filter cigarettes, making the restaurant a sort of one-stop headquarters for bad habits.

The grill is owned by “Dr. Jon,” who the restaurant’s website refers to as a “non-AMA recognized physician.” He can usually be found behind the griddle, making burgers while dressed in a lab coat and stethoscope. Customers are referred to as patients, restaurant orders are called prescriptions and waitresses are known as nurses. In fact, the waitresses actually dress in skimpy nurses outfits.

Anyone actually finishing the two-pound Quadruple Bypass Burger is rewarded by being pushed out to their car in a wheelchair by the waitress, make that nurse, of their choice. One customer reportedly finished the burger in one minute and 47 seconds. That should have given him plenty of time to enjoy the all-you-can-eat french fry bar, too.

Or maybe not. After all, the Quadruple Bypass Burger has approximately 8,000 calories. That would be enough to cover a normal person’s caloric intake for, oh, three full days, maybe four if you’re dieting. Wait, that’s right, you wouldn’t be there if you were dieting.

And speaking of not dieting, Dr. Jon offers those weighing in at 350 pounds or more all the burgers and fries they can down at no cost. The lucky customer only has to buy their own beverages (and cigarettes, too, I would guess). Since the single burger alone costs over seven dollars, I suspect this little public service probably costs the “doctor” and saves the customer, I mean patient, quite a bit.

Being owner of what his website calls “perhaps the world’s most politically incorrect restaurant” does have its downside. In late 2006, about a year after opening the restaurant, “Dr. Jon” was threatened with closure by the Arizona Attorney General. The “doctor” was even arrested after attempting to spray a group of picketers in front of the restaurant with a fire hose.

The addition of several disclaimers to the website explaining that employees have no medical training, the restaurant provides no medical services and employees offer no therapeutic treatments have been enough to keep the authorities at bay, so far.

Meanwhile, the customers keep coming. The menu sounds interesting, but come on, a hamburger with 8,000 calories? I might be better off eating that glowing plastic Peep, mercury and all.

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