2007.12.19 Another year crawls by at Nowhere Road 2007.12.19

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

It seems a bit early to be looking back at 2007, but since this is my last column for the year, it’s now or never as far as reminiscing goes. Thinking back on some of the events of the year, “never” might end up being the better option.

Here at Nowhere Road, we started the year with a list of the “Ten Celebrities You’ll Meet In Hell.” I don’t think I’ll do this one again anytime soon, but if I did, chances are Paris Hilton would repeat as the top “celebrity” on the list.

Speaking of celebrities, some local residents had their brush with fame earlier this year when legendary singer Aretha Franklin stopped in Wauseon to join the shoppers at Wal-Mart. Apparently, even stars can’t resist the lure of cheap Chinese imports.

In April, I wrote of my adoption of Monty, the stuffed Snuggle Bear. He was joined later in the year by Lucky Snuggle, who was rescued from a church sale, bringing the current Fayette Snuggle population to seven.

Several of you have asked for an update on the buried Plymouth, unearthed in Tulsa in June after 50 years in a concrete vault. Unfortunately, when the top of the vault was removed,  several feet of water was covering most of the car, spoiling the idea that the winner of the contest would simply drive the still-pristine 1957 Belvedere off into the sunset.

Needless to say, the water had caused major damage to the vehicle. Two sisters, ages 93 and 88, became owners of the car because their late brother most closely predicted Tulsa’s 2007 population when the car was buried 50 years ago. Hopefully, they already had alternate transportation.

The car was recently shipped to New Jersey, where a company will attempt to clean and apply a rust remover to the decaying hulk. The man doing the work said, “If nothing is done, this car will be dust in two years.”

Back in July, I wrote about the Cheesy Onion Dip Pringles I purchased which contained Tilapia and Nile Perch as two of the ingredients. I had called Procter & Gamble to ask what fish were doing in the product and hadn’t yet received an answer.

Finally, sixteen days after my inquiry, “Lisa” from P & G returned my call, informing me that “fish is a binder used in the flavoring.” It actually took them 16 days to come up with an eight-word answer. What’s more, they hid their name on my caller ID.  I guess all the mystery is to keep Frito-Lay from learning their fish secret and introducing Cheesy Onion Dip Doritos.                                                                    

During August, I suggested moving the apparently unwanted Sterlena to Fayette. But the 14-foot fiberglass cow will be staying in Wauseon as new owners plan to reopen the old Sterling Milk plant. I wonder if the giant chicken on U.S. 127 is available?

September found me and Postmaster Rick Davis wondering how the Postal Service would deliver the sandwich and side orders they promised me in a mailing. After many weeks of waiting, they sent me a brochure with a picture of the sandwich inside. No real sandwich, just a color photo of one.

On the back of the brochure was another photo, this time of a plate with a few crumbs. Underneath were the words “How was it, Rich?” Do they really want to know what I think?

In October, I discussed the line of scented tires introduced by the Kumho company. I still don’t quite see the need for this, although it might be a nice change for those working in tire shops. How long before Martha Stewart gets into the scented tire business?

Last month, I told of my internet inheritance of $2.8 million from James “Scotty” Doohan of “Star Trek” fame. I still haven’t seen the promised cyber cash, and no, I’m not holding my breath.

Then there was my bout with bursitis, which, while I’m doing much better, is still making its presence known. I’m getting especially good at predicting changes in the weather based on pains in my neck, shoulder or arm. It continues to bother me somewhat when I type, which I’m sure many feel is only appropriate.

That’s about all I have for this year. Enjoy the holidays, and I’ll see you back here in 2008. I promise to try to do a better job. I’m not kidding, I really mean it. Just don’t count on it.

  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks
  • Front.sculpta
    SCULPTORS—Morenci third grade students Emersyn Thompson (left) and Marissa Lawrence turn spaghetti sticks into mini sculptures Friday during a class visit to Stair District Library. All Morenci Elementary School classes recently visited the library to experience the creative construction toys purchased through the “Sculptamania!” project, funded by a Disney Curiosity Creates grant. The grant is administered by the Association for Library Services to Children, a division of the American Library Association.
  • Funcolor
    LEONIE LEAHY was one of three local hair stylists who volunteered time Friday at the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Her customer, Aubrey Sandusky, looks up at her mother while her hair takes on a perfect match to her outfit. Leahy said she had a great time at the event—nothing but happy clients.
  • Shadow.salon
    LEARNING THE ROPES—Kristy Castillo (left), co-owner of Mane Street Salon, works with Kendal Kuhn as Sierra Orner takes a phone call. The two Morenci Area High School juniors spent Friday at the salon as part of a job shadowing experience.
  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.
  • Front.winner
    REFEREE Camden Miller raises the hand of Morenci Jr. Dawgs wrestler Ryder Ryan as his opponent leaves the mat in disappointment. Morenci’s youth wrestling program served as host for a tournament Saturday morning to raise money for the club. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.bank.2
    SHERWOOD STATE Bank opened its Fayette office at a grand opening Friday morning, drawing a large crowd to view the renovated building. Above, Burt Blue talks to teller Cindy Funk, while his wife, Jackie, looks around the new office. The Blues missed the opening and took a quick tour on Tuesday. Few traces remain of the former grocery store and theater, however, part of the original brick wall still shows in the hallway leading to the back of the building. The drive-through window should be ready for customers later in the month.
  • Front.make.three
    FROM THE LEFT, Landon Wilkins, Ryan White and Logan Blaker try out their artistic skills Saturday afternoon at the Morenci PTO’s first Date to Create event. More than 50 people showed up to create decorated planks of wood to hang from rope. The event served as a fund-raiser for miscellaneous PTO projects. Additional photos are on the back of this week’s Observer.

Weekly newspaper serving SE Michigan and NW Ohio - State Line Observer ©2006-2016