2007.12.19 Another year crawls by at Nowhere Road 2007.12.19

Written by David Green.


It seems a bit early to be looking back at 2007, but since this is my last column for the year, it’s now or never as far as reminiscing goes. Thinking back on some of the events of the year, “never” might end up being the better option.

Here at Nowhere Road, we started the year with a list of the “Ten Celebrities You’ll Meet In Hell.” I don’t think I’ll do this one again anytime soon, but if I did, chances are Paris Hilton would repeat as the top “celebrity” on the list.

Speaking of celebrities, some local residents had their brush with fame earlier this year when legendary singer Aretha Franklin stopped in Wauseon to join the shoppers at Wal-Mart. Apparently, even stars can’t resist the lure of cheap Chinese imports.

In April, I wrote of my adoption of Monty, the stuffed Snuggle Bear. He was joined later in the year by Lucky Snuggle, who was rescued from a church sale, bringing the current Fayette Snuggle population to seven.

Several of you have asked for an update on the buried Plymouth, unearthed in Tulsa in June after 50 years in a concrete vault. Unfortunately, when the top of the vault was removed,  several feet of water was covering most of the car, spoiling the idea that the winner of the contest would simply drive the still-pristine 1957 Belvedere off into the sunset.

Needless to say, the water had caused major damage to the vehicle. Two sisters, ages 93 and 88, became owners of the car because their late brother most closely predicted Tulsa’s 2007 population when the car was buried 50 years ago. Hopefully, they already had alternate transportation.

The car was recently shipped to New Jersey, where a company will attempt to clean and apply a rust remover to the decaying hulk. The man doing the work said, “If nothing is done, this car will be dust in two years.”

Back in July, I wrote about the Cheesy Onion Dip Pringles I purchased which contained Tilapia and Nile Perch as two of the ingredients. I had called Procter & Gamble to ask what fish were doing in the product and hadn’t yet received an answer.

Finally, sixteen days after my inquiry, “Lisa” from P & G returned my call, informing me that “fish is a binder used in the flavoring.” It actually took them 16 days to come up with an eight-word answer. What’s more, they hid their name on my caller ID.  I guess all the mystery is to keep Frito-Lay from learning their fish secret and introducing Cheesy Onion Dip Doritos.                                                                    

During August, I suggested moving the apparently unwanted Sterlena to Fayette. But the 14-foot fiberglass cow will be staying in Wauseon as new owners plan to reopen the old Sterling Milk plant. I wonder if the giant chicken on U.S. 127 is available?

September found me and Postmaster Rick Davis wondering how the Postal Service would deliver the sandwich and side orders they promised me in a mailing. After many weeks of waiting, they sent me a brochure with a picture of the sandwich inside. No real sandwich, just a color photo of one.

On the back of the brochure was another photo, this time of a plate with a few crumbs. Underneath were the words “How was it, Rich?” Do they really want to know what I think?

In October, I discussed the line of scented tires introduced by the Kumho company. I still don’t quite see the need for this, although it might be a nice change for those working in tire shops. How long before Martha Stewart gets into the scented tire business?

Last month, I told of my internet inheritance of $2.8 million from James “Scotty” Doohan of “Star Trek” fame. I still haven’t seen the promised cyber cash, and no, I’m not holding my breath.

Then there was my bout with bursitis, which, while I’m doing much better, is still making its presence known. I’m getting especially good at predicting changes in the weather based on pains in my neck, shoulder or arm. It continues to bother me somewhat when I type, which I’m sure many feel is only appropriate.

That’s about all I have for this year. Enjoy the holidays, and I’ll see you back here in 2008. I promise to try to do a better job. I’m not kidding, I really mean it. Just don’t count on it.

  • Front.cowboy
    A PERFORMER named Biligbaatar, a member of the AnDa Union troupe from Inner Mongolia, dances at Stair District Library last week during a visit to the Midwest. The nine-member group blends a variety of traditions from Inner and Outer Mongolia. The music is described as drawing from “all the Mongol tribes that Genghis Khan unified.” The group considers itself music gatherers whose goal is to preserve traditional sounds of Mongolia. Biligbaatar grew up among traditional herders who live in yurts. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.base Ball
    UMPIRE Thomas Henthorn tosses the bat between team captains Mikayla Price and Chuck Piskoti of Flint’s Lumber City Base Ball Club. Following the 1860 rules, after the bat was grabbed by the captains, captains’ hands advanced to the top of the bat—one hand on top of the other. The captain whose hand ended up on top decided who would bat first. Additional photos of Sunday’s game appear on page 12 of this week’s Observer. The contest was organized in conjunction with Stair District Library’s Hometown Teams exhibit that runs through Nov. 20.
  • Front.chat
    VALUE OF ATHLETICS—Morenci graduate John Bancroft (center) takes a turn at the microphone during a chat session at the opening of the Hometown Teams exhibit at Stair District Library. Clockwise to his left is John Dillon, Jed Hall, Jim Bauer, Joe Farquhar, George Hollstein, George Vereecke and Mike McDowell. Thomas Henthorn (at the podium) kicked off the conversation. Henthorn, a University of Michigan–Flint professor, will return to Morenci this Sunday to lead a game of vintage base ball at the school softball field.
  • Front.cross
    HUDSON RUNNER Jacob Morgan looks toward the top of the hill with dismay during the tough finish at Harrison Lake State Park. Fayette runner Jacob Garrow focuses on the summit, also, during the Eagle Invitational cross country run Saturday morning. Continuing rain and drizzle made the course even more challenging. Results of the race are in this week’s Observer.
  • Front.bear
    HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.
  • Front.crossing
    Crossing over—Jim Heiney was given a U.S. flag to carry by George Vereecke (behind Jim in the hat), turning him into the leader of the parade. Bridge Walk participants cross over Bean Creek while, in the background, members of the Morenci Legion Riders cross the main traffic bridge on East Street South. Additional photos appear on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.hose Testing
    HOSE safety—The FireCatt hose testing company from Troy put Morenci Fire Department hose to the test Monday morning when Mill Street was closed to traffic. The company also checks nozzles and ladders for wear in an effort to keep fire fighters safe while on calls.

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