2007.12.19 Another year crawls by at Nowhere Road 2007.12.19

Written by David Green.

By RICH FOLEY

It seems a bit early to be looking back at 2007, but since this is my last column for the year, it’s now or never as far as reminiscing goes. Thinking back on some of the events of the year, “never” might end up being the better option.

Here at Nowhere Road, we started the year with a list of the “Ten Celebrities You’ll Meet In Hell.” I don’t think I’ll do this one again anytime soon, but if I did, chances are Paris Hilton would repeat as the top “celebrity” on the list.

Speaking of celebrities, some local residents had their brush with fame earlier this year when legendary singer Aretha Franklin stopped in Wauseon to join the shoppers at Wal-Mart. Apparently, even stars can’t resist the lure of cheap Chinese imports.

In April, I wrote of my adoption of Monty, the stuffed Snuggle Bear. He was joined later in the year by Lucky Snuggle, who was rescued from a church sale, bringing the current Fayette Snuggle population to seven.

Several of you have asked for an update on the buried Plymouth, unearthed in Tulsa in June after 50 years in a concrete vault. Unfortunately, when the top of the vault was removed,  several feet of water was covering most of the car, spoiling the idea that the winner of the contest would simply drive the still-pristine 1957 Belvedere off into the sunset.

Needless to say, the water had caused major damage to the vehicle. Two sisters, ages 93 and 88, became owners of the car because their late brother most closely predicted Tulsa’s 2007 population when the car was buried 50 years ago. Hopefully, they already had alternate transportation.

The car was recently shipped to New Jersey, where a company will attempt to clean and apply a rust remover to the decaying hulk. The man doing the work said, “If nothing is done, this car will be dust in two years.”

Back in July, I wrote about the Cheesy Onion Dip Pringles I purchased which contained Tilapia and Nile Perch as two of the ingredients. I had called Procter & Gamble to ask what fish were doing in the product and hadn’t yet received an answer.

Finally, sixteen days after my inquiry, “Lisa” from P & G returned my call, informing me that “fish is a binder used in the flavoring.” It actually took them 16 days to come up with an eight-word answer. What’s more, they hid their name on my caller ID.  I guess all the mystery is to keep Frito-Lay from learning their fish secret and introducing Cheesy Onion Dip Doritos.                                                                    

During August, I suggested moving the apparently unwanted Sterlena to Fayette. But the 14-foot fiberglass cow will be staying in Wauseon as new owners plan to reopen the old Sterling Milk plant. I wonder if the giant chicken on U.S. 127 is available?

September found me and Postmaster Rick Davis wondering how the Postal Service would deliver the sandwich and side orders they promised me in a mailing. After many weeks of waiting, they sent me a brochure with a picture of the sandwich inside. No real sandwich, just a color photo of one.

On the back of the brochure was another photo, this time of a plate with a few crumbs. Underneath were the words “How was it, Rich?” Do they really want to know what I think?

In October, I discussed the line of scented tires introduced by the Kumho company. I still don’t quite see the need for this, although it might be a nice change for those working in tire shops. How long before Martha Stewart gets into the scented tire business?

Last month, I told of my internet inheritance of $2.8 million from James “Scotty” Doohan of “Star Trek” fame. I still haven’t seen the promised cyber cash, and no, I’m not holding my breath.

Then there was my bout with bursitis, which, while I’m doing much better, is still making its presence known. I’m getting especially good at predicting changes in the weather based on pains in my neck, shoulder or arm. It continues to bother me somewhat when I type, which I’m sure many feel is only appropriate.

That’s about all I have for this year. Enjoy the holidays, and I’ll see you back here in 2008. I promise to try to do a better job. I’m not kidding, I really mean it. Just don’t count on it.

  • Front.tug
    MORENCI pep rallies generally end with a tug of war. The senior class entry, shown above, did not advance to the finals. Griffin Grieder, Alaina Webster, Kyle Long and Jazmin Smith are shown at the front of the rope, giving it their best effort.
  • Accident
    FAYETTE resident Patricia Stambaugh, 64, was declared dead on the scene of a single-vehicle accident Friday morning south of Morenci. Rescue units were called around 9 a.m., but as of Tuesday, law enforcement officers had not yet determined the time of the accident. According to Ohio State Highway Patrol, Stambaugh was driving west on U.S. 20 when her Chevrolet Malibu traveled off the north side of the road and down a steep embankment, coming to rest in Bean Creek (Tiffin River).
  • Athletic Fields
    SPORTS COMPLEX—Fayette’s outdoor athletic facilities will include three ball fields for summer recreation leagues at the southwest corner of the school. The baseball and softball fields, along with the running track, will be constructed on the east side of the school. Outdoor athletic fields were not part of the new school project from 2007, but voters approved a $1.4 million levy for a school addition and the sports fields last August. Both projects are scheduled to be complete by July 20.
  • Front.teacher Leading
    PRESCHOOL MUSIC—Fayette band director Jeffrey Dunford spends the last half hour of the day leading the full-day preschool class in musical activities. Additional photos are on page 7 of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.F.band
    TROMBONISTS Jake Myers (left) and Max Baker perform Friday at the annual Senior Citizens Luncheon at Fayette High School. The National Honor Society and the FFA chapter teamed up to serve a meal to area seniors and to provide musical entertainment. Both the school band and choir performed. Additional photos are on page 7 of this week’s Observer.
  • Station.2
    STRANGE STUFF—Morenci Elementary School students learn that blue isn’t really blue when seen through the right color of lens. Volunteer April Pike presents the lesson to students at one of the many stations brought to the school by the COSI science center. The theme of this year’s visit was the solar system.
  • Front.poles
    MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.

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