The Weekly Newspaper serving the citizens of Morenci, Mich., Fayette, Ohio, and surrounding areas.

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    FIRST SNOW—Heavy, wet flakes piled deep on tree branches—and windshields—as the area received its first significant snowfall of the season. “Usually it begins with a dusting or two,” said George Isobar, Morenci’s observer for the National Weather Service, “but this time it came with a vengeance.” By the end of the day Saturday, a little over four inches of snow was on the ground. Now comes the thaw with temperatures in the 40s and 50s for three days.
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    SKEWERS, gumdrops, and marshmallows are all that’s needed to create interesting shapes and designs for Layla McDowell Saturday at Stair District Library’s “Sculptamania!” Open House. The program featuring design games and materials is one part of a larger project funded by a $7,500 Curiosity Creates grant from Disney and the American Library Association. Additional photos are on page 7.
    Morenci marching band members took to the field Friday night dressed for Halloween during the Bulldog’s first playoff game. Morenci fans had a bit of a scare until the fourth quarter when the Bulldogs scored 30 points to leave Lenawee Christian School behind. Whiteford visits Morenci this Friday for the district championship game. From the left is Clayton Borton, Morgan Merillat and James O’Brien.
    DNA PUZZLE—Mitchell Storrs and Wyatt Mohr tackle a puzzle representing the structure of DNA. There’s only one correct way for all the pieces to fit. It’s one of the new materials that can be used in both biology and chemistry classes, said teacher Loretta Cox.
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    A TRAFFIC control worker stands in the middle of Morenci’s Main Street Tuesday morning, waiting for the next flow of vehicles to be let through from the west. The dusty gravel surface was sealed with a layer of tar, leaving only the application of paint for new striping. The project was completed in conjunction with county road commission work west of Morenci.
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    JUNIORS Jazmin Smith and Trevor Corkle struggle against a team from the sophomore class Friday during the annual tug of war at the Homecoming Games pep rally. Even the seniors struggled against the sophomores who won the competition. At the main course of the day, the Bulldog football team struggled against Whiteford in a homecoming loss.
    YOUNG soccer players surived a chilly morning Saturday in Morenci’s PTO league. From the left is Emma Cordts, Wayne Corser, Carter and Levi Seitz, Briella York and Drew Joughin. Two more weeks of soccer remain for this season.
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    BOWEN BAUMGARTNER of Morenci makes his way across a rope bridge constructed by the Tecumseh Boy Scout troop Sunday at Lake Hudson Recreation Area. The bridge was one of many challenges, displays and games set up for the annual Youth Jamboree by the Michigan DNR. Additional photos on are the back page of this week’s Observer.
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    One of four senior candidates will be crowned the fall homecoming queen during half-time of this week’s Morenci-Whiteford football game. In the back row (left to right) is exchange student Kinga Vidor (her escort will be Caylob Alcock), seniors Alli VanBrandt (escorted by Sam Cool), Larissa Elliott (escorted by Clayton Borton), Samantha Wright (escorted by JJ Elarton) and Justis McCowan (escorted by Austin Gilson), and exchange student Rebecca Rosenberger (escorted by Garrett Smith). Front row freshman court member Allie Kaiser (escorted by Anthony Thomas), sophomore Marlee Blaker (escorted by Nate Elarton) and junior Cheyenne Stone (escorted by Dominick Sell).
  • Front.park.lights
    GETTING READY—Jerad Gleckler pounds nails to secure a string of holiday lights on the side of the Wakefield Park concession stand while other members of the Volunteer Club and others hold them in place. The volunteers showed up Sunday afternoon to string lights at the park. The decorating project will continue this Sunday. Denise Walsh is in charge of the effort this year.
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2006.05.10 Chuck Norris

Written by David Green.


Heard any good Chuck Norris jokes lately? If you haven’t, count yourself fortunate as literally thousands of them are floating around the Internet. The star of television’s “Walker, Texas Ranger” is enjoying new fame in cyberspace. It’s quite a collection of lame, obscene and sometimes bewildering attempts at humor.

However, some of the jokes are pretty good, so I’ve rewritten a few of the best for grammar, length and suitability for a family newspaper. Enjoy, but remember, Chuck Norris is always right behind you.    

The first group of jokes fall under the general category of everyone is afraid of Chuck Norris. For example, before he goes to bed at night, the bogeyman always checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

Google won’t search for Chuck Norris. It knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

If you are driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris cut you off, just thank your lucky stars it wasn’t the other way around.

Chuck Norris never fills in his income tax returns. He just sends back blank forms and his photograph. Chuck Norris always gets a refund.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, whatever you do, never ask for his three-hole punch.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared to question his motives.

THEN there’s a group of random Chuck Norris facts, like Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch because he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Chuck Norris’ favorite cereal is Kellogg’s Nails ‘N Gravel.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

When Chuck Norris took his SAT’s, he wrote down “Chuck Norris” for every answer. He got a perfect score.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by five.

Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He just stares at them until they give him the information he wants.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random homes and the owners move.

The term “dead ringer” refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and doesn’t turn their cell phone off.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.

THERE’S also the Chuck Norris twist on famous sayings, such as:

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

The best part of waking up is not Folger’s in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you while you slept.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink...unless you’re Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris talks, everyone listens...or dies.

When you say, “No one’s perfect,” Chuck Norris considers it a personal insult.

FINALLY, there’s the Chuck Norris in history jokes. Like President Roosevelt’s famous statement that “We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and Chuck Norris.”

Or, when God said, “Let there be light,” Chuck Norris replied, “Say ‘please.’ ”

Or the “fact” that Chuck built a time machine and when back to 1963 to stop the Kennedy assassination. When Oswald fired, Chuck Norris deflected the bullets with his beard. Unfortunately, JFK was so amazed, his head exploded.

In closing, I should point out that Chuck’s singing performance of the “Walker” theme might just be the funniest Chuck Norris joke of all. But then, I remembered another of those sayings: “He who laughs lasts, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris...dies.” 

I think I’d better go hide now.

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