The Weekly Newspaper serving the citizens of Morenci, Mich., Fayette, Ohio, and surrounding areas.

  • Snow.2
    FIRST SNOW—Heavy, wet flakes piled deep on tree branches—and windshields—as the area received its first significant snowfall of the season. “Usually it begins with a dusting or two,” said George Isobar, Morenci’s observer for the National Weather Service, “but this time it came with a vengeance.” By the end of the day Saturday, a little over four inches of snow was on the ground. Now comes the thaw with temperatures in the 40s and 50s for three days.
  • Front.sculpt
    SKEWERS, gumdrops, and marshmallows are all that’s needed to create interesting shapes and designs for Layla McDowell Saturday at Stair District Library’s “Sculptamania!” Open House. The program featuring design games and materials is one part of a larger project funded by a $7,500 Curiosity Creates grant from Disney and the American Library Association. Additional photos are on page 7.
    Morenci marching band members took to the field Friday night dressed for Halloween during the Bulldog’s first playoff game. Morenci fans had a bit of a scare until the fourth quarter when the Bulldogs scored 30 points to leave Lenawee Christian School behind. Whiteford visits Morenci this Friday for the district championship game. From the left is Clayton Borton, Morgan Merillat and James O’Brien.
    DNA PUZZLE—Mitchell Storrs and Wyatt Mohr tackle a puzzle representing the structure of DNA. There’s only one correct way for all the pieces to fit. It’s one of the new materials that can be used in both biology and chemistry classes, said teacher Loretta Cox.
  • Front.tar.wide
    A TRAFFIC control worker stands in the middle of Morenci’s Main Street Tuesday morning, waiting for the next flow of vehicles to be let through from the west. The dusty gravel surface was sealed with a layer of tar, leaving only the application of paint for new striping. The project was completed in conjunction with county road commission work west of Morenci.
  • Front.pull
    JUNIORS Jazmin Smith and Trevor Corkle struggle against a team from the sophomore class Friday during the annual tug of war at the Homecoming Games pep rally. Even the seniors struggled against the sophomores who won the competition. At the main course of the day, the Bulldog football team struggled against Whiteford in a homecoming loss.
    YOUNG soccer players surived a chilly morning Saturday in Morenci’s PTO league. From the left is Emma Cordts, Wayne Corser, Carter and Levi Seitz, Briella York and Drew Joughin. Two more weeks of soccer remain for this season.
  • Front.ropes
    BOWEN BAUMGARTNER of Morenci makes his way across a rope bridge constructed by the Tecumseh Boy Scout troop Sunday at Lake Hudson Recreation Area. The bridge was one of many challenges, displays and games set up for the annual Youth Jamboree by the Michigan DNR. Additional photos on are the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.homecoming Court
    One of four senior candidates will be crowned the fall homecoming queen during half-time of this week’s Morenci-Whiteford football game. In the back row (left to right) is exchange student Kinga Vidor (her escort will be Caylob Alcock), seniors Alli VanBrandt (escorted by Sam Cool), Larissa Elliott (escorted by Clayton Borton), Samantha Wright (escorted by JJ Elarton) and Justis McCowan (escorted by Austin Gilson), and exchange student Rebecca Rosenberger (escorted by Garrett Smith). Front row freshman court member Allie Kaiser (escorted by Anthony Thomas), sophomore Marlee Blaker (escorted by Nate Elarton) and junior Cheyenne Stone (escorted by Dominick Sell).
  • Front.park.lights
    GETTING READY—Jerad Gleckler pounds nails to secure a string of holiday lights on the side of the Wakefield Park concession stand while other members of the Volunteer Club and others hold them in place. The volunteers showed up Sunday afternoon to string lights at the park. The decorating project will continue this Sunday. Denise Walsh is in charge of the effort this year.
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2006.10.04 Jeff+Toilet=Idiot

Written by David Green.


Want to know what embarrassing is?

I walked to the middle school last Wednesday to check for news, and before going to the main office, I detoured to the bathroom. I discovered that a student had left his planner on the sink and, behaving like a grown-up, took it to the lost and found across the hall.

It was only when I returned to the bathroom to answer nature’s call that I noticed a pair of sneakers, attached to a pair of legs, beneath the nearest bathroom stall. I had turned an un-lost planner in to the lost and found.

“Flack flickin’ flack a flack!” I thought.

For me personally, there’s only one task more intimidating than taking, as they say, el numero dos, in public places. That task is being in middle school.

If I were smart, I would’ve returned the planner to the sink as soundlessly as I took it away. Instead, I said to the poor student, who was in the most vulnerable of vulnerable places, “Dude, did you leave your planner on the sink?”

He replied, “Yeah, man. I did.”

“Aw, crap,” I said. “I just turned it in to the lost and found.”

He took the news remarkably well, insisting he would pick it up on his way to class, that it was no big deal. But to me it was a big deal. The student was obviously trying to evade detection with a deathly silence, which is probably why I didn’t notice him in the first place. Nobody likes being caught with his or her pants down, especially in middle school, where the slightest lapse in conformity equals social suicide.

(And yes, answering such a call of nature is considered a faux pas among middle schoolers, who trail only politicians in socially-sanctioned insanity).

I felt bad.

As an understanding person and a middle school veteran, I apologized profusely, using as many “dudes” and “mans” as I could to show I’m hip. He seemed like a good kid, and thinking back on it, I was probably more embarrassed than he was.

But not as embarrassed as I was a few Sundays ago, when I broke the toilet in the apartment above the Observer.

I was frustrated with something inconsequential (Super Mario DS) at the time and instead of venting with a string of phrases containing the ineffable F-word, I expressed myself with a resounding sit. The result was a cracked toilet that leaked water when I flushed it.

If I were pithy, I would’ve remarked “If only my thoughts and words were as forceful as my derriere.”

Instead, I panicked and did what brave men of sound heart and mind do in times of stress—I called my mom.

Unfortunately, mom and dad were out for a walk. My brother Jamie answered the phone. After informing him of my big time emergency, he dispatched himself to hunt them down. In the meanwhile I struggled to turn off the toilet’s water supply valve, but the dang thing, crafted during the Eisenhower administration, wouldn’t budge.

After a seemingly endless 10 minutes, FEMOM (the mom division of FEMA) called and took over for my brain. She first assuaged my angst by laughing at me, then told me to do the obvious—call my landlord, who is also my employer, and have him turn off the water to the  apartment.

In a strong and determined tone of voice, I replied, “Mom, I can’t do that! It’s too embarrassing! My life is ruined!”

“Jeffrey,” she said. “You have to. The leak could cause ceiling damage.”

David was as civil as can be expected of a man whose bonehead tenant disrupts his Sunday morning to report a toilet-related threat of ceiling collapse. He surmised that the leak didn’t necessitate turning the building’s water off, but I had to use the downstairs toilet for the next three days while we waited for a replacement to arrive.

Around day two, those empty Gatorade bottles I keep started coming in real handy in the middle of the night.

And the second number—the original reason I sat down—disappeared, probably due to my compulsive fear of making such an elimination in places that are not my home. For the next three days I was as close to feeling pregnant as I predict I’ll ever be.

At this point, I could probably make a joke about “breaking in” the new toilet after David help Chuck Ekins install it, but I’ve had my fill of bathroom humor in the last few weeks.

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