2006.11.01 Mine eyes have seen the glory of accessories

Written by David Green.

By COLLEEN LEDDY

I still have not found my glasses. 

Did you read my LOST ad a couple weeks ago? I wrote it quickly at 2 or 3 in the morning. I couldn’t really see what I was writing and I was too tired to know, but it generated more comments than any column I’ve ever written. Well, at least the classified ads are being read.

I continue to struggle with my feeble inadequate drugstore glasses of insufficient power. It’s a real hassle to wear bow-less glasses with a giant paperclip chain. The paperclips get stuck in my hair and when I put the glasses over my eyes they land on my eyelids which, who knew, are so greasy they leave marks on the lenses so I have to take them off, clean them, and remember to hang my head down so the lenses don’t land on my eyelids again when I put them back on. Let me tell you, the burning desire to read quickly extinguishes after going through that ordeal over and over.

My daughters discovered a temporary fix when we were in an Ann Arbor bookstore Saturday. Called a pocketlens, it’s a credit card size plastic magnifier that fits in a plastic sleeve. It works really well for reading three-inch columns in the newspaper, but not so well for reading books. And even though it barely weighs anything, my arm starts to hurt after holding it in position for awhile. Pulling paperclips out of my hair doesn’t seem so bad after half an hour of arm pain.

And, fortuitously, before I even knew the pocketlens wasn’t wholly adequate, I bought another item on Saturday—Swipes, the cutest little microfiber eyeglass cleaner “As Seen on TV” that really does a good job. So good that if I wear my glasses and use the pocketlens I can read the tiny print on the Swipes package that warns permanent damage to my lenses may occur if I don’t remove particles, dust, sand, dirt or grime remaining from previous use. Well, isn’t it a good thing I lost my prescription glasses and can experiment on my drugstore pair?

Let’s continue to focus on the good things about glasses: even more fun accessories. Dr. Cable offers an amazing array of free eyeglass cases and even though indecision drove me to select a very ugly navy blue case, I had anticipated jazzing it up with puffy paints. Well, actually I imagined my daughters would jazz it up for me as they did my stapler and tape dispenser. But I never remembered to ask Rozee and Maddie to decorate it and when we were in New York last April I bought the niftiest eyeglass case ever at the Museum of Modern Art gift store.

When closed, the case is blue with a red and yellow square on one half and a green square on the other. When you open it, it flips all the way around and then it’s blue with a green and red square on one half and a yellow square on the other. It seems to operate somewhat on the order of a Jacob’s ladder. An inadequate description, I know, but I will make it available at the circulation desk at the library if you would like to try it yourself. The case alone makes me glad that I wear glasses just so I can play with it.

And then there is my eyeglass chain purchased from a Minnesotan artist at the Ann Arbor Art Fairs. It has lovely beads and wire gizmos attached to a chain, not of paperclips, but of the same old-fashioned sort that dangle from light switches and ceiling fans, only this chain is big, bright and blue. Luckily, it wasn’t attached when I lost my glasses, but unfortunately, the reason it wasn’t attached is because I broke a piece of it and have to send it to the artist for repair.

There seems to be a theme running through my eyeglass experiences...something along the lines of self-sabotage. It’s not just that. It’s an unwillingness to come to terms, to accept that my eyes ain’t what they used to be. Oh, if there’s enough light and I’ve gotten enough sleep and my eyes aren’t tired, I can usually read fairly well without glasses. But, usually, there isn’t enough light, I haven’t gotten enough sleep, and my eyes are tired.

I’m playing around with the accessories when I really need to turn myself in to the authorities and replace my lost glasses. It’s getting to that point—enduring the eye exam—that stalls me. Dr. Cable is excellent, but I just can’t stand anyone poking around my eyes. And for someone as indecisive as me having to pick between “One or two,” “This, or this,” over and over, well, frankly, I’d rather go to the dentist and see what a root canal is like.

     - November 1, 2006
  • Cecil
    THE MAYOR—Cecil Schoonover poses with a collection of garden gnomes that mysteriously arrive and disappear from his property. Along with the gnomes, someone created the sign stating that he is the Mayor of Gnomesville. He hasn’t yet tracked down the people involved in the prank, but he’s having a good time with the mystery.
  • Front.rest
    TAKE A BREAK—Last Wednesday’s session of Stair District Library’s Summer Reading Program ended with a quiet period in a class presented by yoga instructor Melany Gladieux of Toledo. Children learned a variety of yoga poses in the main room at the library, then finished off the session relaxing. Additional photos are on page 7. Area children are invited to visit the library today when the Michigan Science Center presents a flight program at 11 a.m. and roller coasters at 1 p.m.
  • Front.batter
    THE DERBY—Tyler “Smallpox” Flakne of Minnesota’s Home Run League All-Stars goes for the fence Friday night during the National Wiffle League Association’s home run derby in Morenci. This year the wiffleball national tournament moved from Dublin, Ohio, to Morenci’s Wakefield Park. During the derby, competitors had two minutes to hit as many home runs as possible. The winner this year finished with 21. See page 6 and 7 for additional photos.
  • Front.green Screen
    OUT OF THIS WORLD—Elizabeth McFadden and Elise Christle pose in front of the green screen as VolunTeen Noah Gilson makes them appear as though they are standing on the Moon. More photos from the Stair District Library’s NASA @ My Library program are on page 12.
  • Front.snake
    Lannis Smith of the Leslie Science and Nature Center in Ann Arbor shows off a python last week at Stair District Library's Summer Reading Program.
  • Front.fireworks
    FIREWORKS erupt Saturday night over Morenci’s Wakefield Park during the waning hours of the Town and Country Festival. Additional festival photos are inside.
  • Pipeline Spread
    LINED UP—Lengths of pipe were put in place last week along the route of the Rover natural gas pipeline that will stretch from Defiance, Ohio, to Ontario, Canada. Topsoil was removed before the pipes were laid out. The 42-inch diameter pipeline is scheduled for completion in November.
  • Front.rock Study
    ROCKHOUNDS—From the left, Joseph McCullough, Sean Pagett and Jonathan McCullough peer through hand lenses to study rocks. The project is part of Morenci Elementary School’s summer camp that continues into August.

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