2011.06.08 Amazing happenings and bathroom woes

Written by David Green.

By COLLEEN LEDDY

Some amazing things have been happening lately. The most amazing of all? My granddaughter Caroline loves my wild woman doll sculpture.

Surely you recall my wild woman doll? I mentioned her in a column I wrote three years ago

...Her black and white striped legs hang from a triangular body painted in splashes of color atop bands of purple, green, yellow, black and red fabric. Her black and white polka dot arms stick out from her sides. She wears the tiniest pair of bejeweled sunglasses. She’s totally cool.

The column was actually about my friend Kay’s advice:

“Make sure you have a will, Col,” she said, “and specify what you want each of your kids to have.”

I laughed out loud.

“My kids aren’t going to want any of our crap!” I said with certainty.

Of course, I was right. My kids had no interest in anything, not even, much to my great disbelief and unending dismay, my wild woman doll.

Although Ben diplomatically responded:  “Nothing really comes to mind right now,” when I asked them all in an email what they wanted, all three of my kids sidestepped this issue:

The really important question is, who wants the dryer lint collection and the little jar of finger nail clippings?

But the wild woman. There is hope for her finding a happy home. Caroline is transfixed; she smiles every time she looks at her. At the tender age of three months, she recognizes beauty mixed with whimsy and quirkyness. 

The next amazing thing? Maddie jumped off a bridge and lived to tell about it.

“I jumped off a bridge today,” she said when I arrived in Ann Arbor Sunday for a brief visit.

My heart leaped to my mouth, but she was standing before me, alive and unharmed, so I settled down and listened to “Why?” as in Why on earth would you do a crazy thing like jump off a bridge?

“It was on my list,” she said.

Maddie has created a bucket list. And even though jumping off a bridge seems like a quick ticket to kicking the bucket, her list isn’t so much about things she wants to do before she dies, but things she wants to do in Ann Arbor before she leaves for Wyoming next month. 

I’m just thrilled that she is finally taking advantage of all the wonderful things Ann Arbor has to offer. OK, “jumping off a bridge” is not what I had in mind, and until she crosses off “canoe/float down the Huron,” I will worry.

The fact that three bars are mentioned on her list isn’t what I was imagining either. But I think it’s great that she plans to spend her last days in Ann Arbor soaking up the culture. Even the bars that appear on the list are there with a purpose...“dance at blue grass night at Circus.”

It’s a lovely list: “Go to the botanical gardens, see a show at the Ark, go to the comedy club below Seva”: Just amazing.

OK, that’s the end of the amazing things; there’s really just those two. The next thing is merely noteworthy and concerns a trip to the bathroom this past weekend. 

I should preface this by making two points: first, I am a loyal Scott Tissue fan and it’s the only brand I ever buy. However, Rosie had mentioned that Taylor prefers his toilet paper a little less rough. So I broke down and bought some Charmin for his recent visit.

 Second, I almost always have extra rolls of toilet paper on the back of the toilet, within reach of users. One of the major goals in my life is to ensure that no one should ever run out of toilet paper while using either of our bathrooms. When all sparkplugs are firing at the correct time, extra rolls are either on the back of the toilet or in the cupboard close at hand.

But, the other day, when Rosie and Caroline were in Toronto visiting Taylor, and the end of the toilet paper roll appeared as it always seems to on my watch, I reached behind me for a refill and grabbed the lone roll on the back of the toilet.

It was the stiffest roll of toilet paper I’d ever touched. It couldn’t have been Scott; not even Scott is this tough, I thought. But how could it be Charmin? Charmin is so soft. From a sitting position, I tried to reach around the cupboard door for another roll of toilet paper. The angle was too tight, the extra rolls too far back in the cupboard. David wasn’t home to help. I was stuck. 

I pulled off a length of the offensive toilet paper, yanking hard. In my head, I started composing a letter to Scott, telling them how disappointed I was with this very tough toilet paper. I hoped it was a fluke. Then I got to thinking...

I emailed Rosie; subject line: bathroom woes.

“Hey, did you or Taylor leave a joke roll of toilet paper in the downstairs bathroom? I thought it was Scott, but it was like a stiff paper towel...and I couldn’t reach any others in the cupboard.”

“Ha ha,” she responded. “Those are disposable liners for Caroline's diapers.”

Disposable liners for cloth diapers?

Isn’t that amazing?

  • Cecil
    THE MAYOR—Cecil Schoonover poses with a collection of garden gnomes that mysteriously arrive and disappear from his property. Along with the gnomes, someone created the sign stating that he is the Mayor of Gnomesville. He hasn’t yet tracked down the people involved in the prank, but he’s having a good time with the mystery.
  • Front.rest
    TAKE A BREAK—Last Wednesday’s session of Stair District Library’s Summer Reading Program ended with a quiet period in a class presented by yoga instructor Melany Gladieux of Toledo. Children learned a variety of yoga poses in the main room at the library, then finished off the session relaxing. Additional photos are on page 7. Area children are invited to visit the library today when the Michigan Science Center presents a flight program at 11 a.m. and roller coasters at 1 p.m.
  • Front.batter
    THE DERBY—Tyler “Smallpox” Flakne of Minnesota’s Home Run League All-Stars goes for the fence Friday night during the National Wiffle League Association’s home run derby in Morenci. This year the wiffleball national tournament moved from Dublin, Ohio, to Morenci’s Wakefield Park. During the derby, competitors had two minutes to hit as many home runs as possible. The winner this year finished with 21. See page 6 and 7 for additional photos.
  • Front.green Screen
    OUT OF THIS WORLD—Elizabeth McFadden and Elise Christle pose in front of the green screen as VolunTeen Noah Gilson makes them appear as though they are standing on the Moon. More photos from the Stair District Library’s NASA @ My Library program are on page 12.
  • Front.snake
    Lannis Smith of the Leslie Science and Nature Center in Ann Arbor shows off a python last week at Stair District Library's Summer Reading Program.
  • Front.fireworks
    FIREWORKS erupt Saturday night over Morenci’s Wakefield Park during the waning hours of the Town and Country Festival. Additional festival photos are inside.
  • Pipeline Spread
    LINED UP—Lengths of pipe were put in place last week along the route of the Rover natural gas pipeline that will stretch from Defiance, Ohio, to Ontario, Canada. Topsoil was removed before the pipes were laid out. The 42-inch diameter pipeline is scheduled for completion in November.
  • Front.rock Study
    ROCKHOUNDS—From the left, Joseph McCullough, Sean Pagett and Jonathan McCullough peer through hand lenses to study rocks. The project is part of Morenci Elementary School’s summer camp that continues into August.

Weekly newspaper serving SE Michigan and NW Ohio - State Line Observer ©2006-2017