2006.02.01 Mental afflictions, addictions

Written by David Green.


It ain’t easy being Colleen.

If only I had changed my last name to my husband’s I could say, like Kermit the Frog, it ain’t easy being Green.

But you get the idea. You know you are about to hear the foibles and follies of being me.

Actually, it’s not so much foibles and follies as the permanent state of being mentally deranged.

All because of an expression I heard recently, I know not where, I am questioning my sanity.

“What, are you mental?”

Did you used to say that? My dim memory recalls frequent use of that expression during high school days. But I’ve realized that my 30th high school reunion is this year, so maybe I am off by a few years. Maybe it’s an expression from a movie that transported me back to my high school days in New York.

“What, are you mental?” is a great expression, although you risk being politically incorrect and socially insensitive. But, said with a New York accent, it just makes me feel at home again.

I call my Greek friend Kay to see if she remembers using that expression back when we were in high school.

“Where did it come from?” I ask.

“It comes from the Greek,” is her immediate response. “Everything comes from the Greek.”

“It came from Brooklyn,” says her boyfriend, Jerry. Guess where Jerry grew up?

“Who remembers expressions like that from high school?” Kay asks. She thinks I’m nuts for asking.

“I remember things like falling on my face when I jumped the hurdles in track,” she says, “and how you wouldn’t stop screaming when we were donating blood in the gym.”

They are no help, but Kay does think the expression has been around for a while, so I think maybe I am not so crazy, after all.

Except that I am rethinking my brother Kevin’s comments about addictive personality disorder which he says is common with children of alcoholics. I never gave it much thought beyond my inability to stop eating chocolate. But now that I’ve given sudoku a try, I’m convinced I’m a goner in the addiction department.

When I first heard about that puzzle craze, I thought, “What a waste of time!” Why would anyone want to figure out which number goes where in a box of nine squares within a grid of nine squares so all the numbers from one to nine are used only once within each box and all the numbers are used only once in all the columns and rows of the grid?

Crossword puzzles at least involve the use of a dictionary and learning new words or expressions. Sudoku just seemed like a mind-numbing waste of time. Bob Dister was explaining it one day and I just gave him what-for about it. And then later I thought, how can I judge something that I haven’t even tried? So I tried it and man, once you start, there’s no stopping. David walks into the kitchen saying, “One, six, nine...” trying to distract me as I struggle away filling in those squares, dishes undone, dinner unmade.

I have to completely ban myself from the activity. It doesn’t work to set the timer for 30 minutes of sudoku and then start dinner. No, I have to refrain from opening the newspaper to the puzzle page in the first place. Otherwise, there will be no dinner.

However, for voodoo purposes there will be dinner. Monday night, I made oven fried potatoes and chicken fried rice.  Part of the reason I made them was for Rozee who returned safely from Rome, but for complicated reasons left for Traverse City and wouldn’t be home for dinner. My wacko voodoo calls for me to do things that don’t make sense to anybody but me. Making those potato nuggets of joy and chicken fried rice that Rozee wasn’t going to enjoy is just part of my perverse arsenal of bringing-’em-home-alive tricks.

The potatoes, delectable little buggers coated in olive oil, sprinkled with salt, cracked pepper and granulated garlic and baked at 450 degrees for 45 or so minutes were especially delicious.

“These potatoes are really good,” I say to David.

“Yeah, don’t OD on them,” he says.

“OD?” I ask.

“Overdose,” he explains.

“I know what ‘OD’ means,” I say. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know...” He’s sounding sorry he said it.

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

OK, now add paranoia to my list of mental afflictions.

– February 1, 2006
  • Front.cowboy
    A PERFORMER named Biligbaatar, a member of the AnDa Union troupe from Inner Mongolia, dances at Stair District Library last week during a visit to the Midwest. The nine-member group blends a variety of traditions from Inner and Outer Mongolia. The music is described as drawing from “all the Mongol tribes that Genghis Khan unified.” The group considers itself music gatherers whose goal is to preserve traditional sounds of Mongolia. Biligbaatar grew up among traditional herders who live in yurts. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.base Ball
    UMPIRE Thomas Henthorn tosses the bat between team captains Mikayla Price and Chuck Piskoti of Flint’s Lumber City Base Ball Club. Following the 1860 rules, after the bat was grabbed by the captains, captains’ hands advanced to the top of the bat—one hand on top of the other. The captain whose hand ended up on top decided who would bat first. Additional photos of Sunday’s game appear on page 12 of this week’s Observer. The contest was organized in conjunction with Stair District Library’s Hometown Teams exhibit that runs through Nov. 20.
  • Front.chat
    VALUE OF ATHLETICS—Morenci graduate John Bancroft (center) takes a turn at the microphone during a chat session at the opening of the Hometown Teams exhibit at Stair District Library. Clockwise to his left is John Dillon, Jed Hall, Jim Bauer, Joe Farquhar, George Hollstein, George Vereecke and Mike McDowell. Thomas Henthorn (at the podium) kicked off the conversation. Henthorn, a University of Michigan–Flint professor, will return to Morenci this Sunday to lead a game of vintage base ball at the school softball field.
  • Front.cross
    HUDSON RUNNER Jacob Morgan looks toward the top of the hill with dismay during the tough finish at Harrison Lake State Park. Fayette runner Jacob Garrow focuses on the summit, also, during the Eagle Invitational cross country run Saturday morning. Continuing rain and drizzle made the course even more challenging. Results of the race are in this week’s Observer.
  • Front.bear
    HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.
  • Front.crossing
    Crossing over—Jim Heiney was given a U.S. flag to carry by George Vereecke (behind Jim in the hat), turning him into the leader of the parade. Bridge Walk participants cross over Bean Creek while, in the background, members of the Morenci Legion Riders cross the main traffic bridge on East Street South. Additional photos appear on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.hose Testing
    HOSE safety—The FireCatt hose testing company from Troy put Morenci Fire Department hose to the test Monday morning when Mill Street was closed to traffic. The company also checks nozzles and ladders for wear in an effort to keep fire fighters safe while on calls.

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