2007.12.12 Sometimes my husband drives me bats

Written by David Green.


When I read about couples celebrating 50 or 60 or even 75 years of marriage, I sometimes wonder how the heck two people could last that long together. Clearly, neither of the partners in those couples is married to a man like mine.

I must say that the past 25 years of my marriage to David Green have simply flown by and there have been scores more ups than downs. I couldn’t imagine another man I’d want to share life with. His sense of humor cleaves to mine and he is always so quick with a quip.

Last night, I asked him yet again if I should go ahead and make the reservation for a short ski trip up north. This excursion would be the big Christmas present for the kids, taking the place of entering the shopping frenzy and buying Stuff. Stuff that I think they might want, but they probably won’t or Stuff I don’t want them to want. I want to give the gift of time together, but it conflicts with getting out the paper Christmas week.

“So, should I book that reservation or what are we going to do instead for Christmas?” I asked.

“Let’s head south,” he said.

“What? What the heck for? Where?”

“Lima,” he responded.

“Why? What would we do there?”

“Eat beans.”

If that didn’t make you laugh you probably wouldn’t enjoy being married to David on a full-time basis. But that is the kind of exchange that makes life a delight for me. The following examples, however, are what make me wonder if we’ll make it to 26 years.

I heard a noise at the basement door late last Sunday night after David had gone to bed. The noise sounded suspiciously like a bat. I had already finished the laundry so I just ran straight to bed without investigating. But this week I made David go to the basement before me and stay down there until I got the wash in the machine.

As I added clothes to the washer, I was on high alert. David rooted around looking for his winter boots. Suddenly, something whooshed past the left side of my body and I yelped—until I realized my buzzard of a husband had thrown a rag at the wall to simulate a bat.

“Don’t do that!” I yelled.

He laughed and resumed his search—until another rag came flying.

A few weeks ago I complained to him.

“My feet are so rough.”

“What are you going to do about it?” he asked.

“I already did something. I put cream on them and put socks on.”

“It’s gonna take more than cream,” he said. “You’re gonna have to use lard.”

On the Observer website, David mentioned that he was writing a story about CFL light bulbs. He’d read that men tend to like them more than women and then went on to say the following.

“That’s true at my house. I think they’re fine; my wife doesn’t like the color of the light, the slight delay in lighting up, the intensity of the light, the hum that some bulbs give off, the mere suggestion of using one, etc.”

So, I sound like an uncompromising close-minded nincompoop, but at least he got the message: the bulbs don’t provide adequate light.

But, you know, he is ever-so-good-natured and he’s usually willing to go along with my ideas.

I told him about an article I read, “Our Best Holiday Ever,” in the December issue of Family Fun magazine. I thought we could do a take-off on “The Great Regifting” idea. 

“We could just wrap up stuff we already have and give it to each other,” I told David.

He immediately and agreeably nodded in the direction of his laptop and said, “Wrap that up for me.”

The couple who submitted “The Great Re-gifting” idea searched around the house on Christmas Eve for things that were particularly precious to the other, then wrapped and set them under the tree. On Christmas morning after opening their re-gifts, they talked about the good things they already possessed.

I was thinking less schmaltzy thoughts. Rather than shop this year, I just want to wrap up stuff I’ve given the kids over the years. Stuff they never wanted, but that I thought looked fun. Stuff like Rozee’s The Art of Belly Dancing kit that includes finger cymbals, a jeweled sticker and a little book on how to belly dance.

I could give them the stuff they didn’t want before and see if they want it now. Or I could switch it up and give stuff I gave Ben to Rozee and stuff for Maddie to Ben.

Or, I could give David the belly dancing kit.

Maybe that’s how those couples stay together so long.

  • Front.cowboy
    A PERFORMER named Biligbaatar, a member of the AnDa Union troupe from Inner Mongolia, dances at Stair District Library last week during a visit to the Midwest. The nine-member group blends a variety of traditions from Inner and Outer Mongolia. The music is described as drawing from “all the Mongol tribes that Genghis Khan unified.” The group considers itself music gatherers whose goal is to preserve traditional sounds of Mongolia. Biligbaatar grew up among traditional herders who live in yurts. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.base Ball
    UMPIRE Thomas Henthorn tosses the bat between team captains Mikayla Price and Chuck Piskoti of Flint’s Lumber City Base Ball Club. Following the 1860 rules, after the bat was grabbed by the captains, captains’ hands advanced to the top of the bat—one hand on top of the other. The captain whose hand ended up on top decided who would bat first. Additional photos of Sunday’s game appear on page 12 of this week’s Observer. The contest was organized in conjunction with Stair District Library’s Hometown Teams exhibit that runs through Nov. 20.
  • Front.chat
    VALUE OF ATHLETICS—Morenci graduate John Bancroft (center) takes a turn at the microphone during a chat session at the opening of the Hometown Teams exhibit at Stair District Library. Clockwise to his left is John Dillon, Jed Hall, Jim Bauer, Joe Farquhar, George Hollstein, George Vereecke and Mike McDowell. Thomas Henthorn (at the podium) kicked off the conversation. Henthorn, a University of Michigan–Flint professor, will return to Morenci this Sunday to lead a game of vintage base ball at the school softball field.
  • Front.cross
    HUDSON RUNNER Jacob Morgan looks toward the top of the hill with dismay during the tough finish at Harrison Lake State Park. Fayette runner Jacob Garrow focuses on the summit, also, during the Eagle Invitational cross country run Saturday morning. Continuing rain and drizzle made the course even more challenging. Results of the race are in this week’s Observer.
  • Front.bear
    HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.
  • Front.hose Testing
    HOSE safety—The FireCatt hose testing company from Troy put Morenci Fire Department hose to the test Monday morning when Mill Street was closed to traffic. The company also checks nozzles and ladders for wear in an effort to keep fire fighters safe while on calls.

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