2007.12.12 Sometimes my husband drives me bats

Written by David Green.

By COLLEEN LEDDY

When I read about couples celebrating 50 or 60 or even 75 years of marriage, I sometimes wonder how the heck two people could last that long together. Clearly, neither of the partners in those couples is married to a man like mine.

I must say that the past 25 years of my marriage to David Green have simply flown by and there have been scores more ups than downs. I couldn’t imagine another man I’d want to share life with. His sense of humor cleaves to mine and he is always so quick with a quip.

Last night, I asked him yet again if I should go ahead and make the reservation for a short ski trip up north. This excursion would be the big Christmas present for the kids, taking the place of entering the shopping frenzy and buying Stuff. Stuff that I think they might want, but they probably won’t or Stuff I don’t want them to want. I want to give the gift of time together, but it conflicts with getting out the paper Christmas week.

“So, should I book that reservation or what are we going to do instead for Christmas?” I asked.

“Let’s head south,” he said.

“What? What the heck for? Where?”

“Lima,” he responded.

“Why? What would we do there?”

“Eat beans.”

If that didn’t make you laugh you probably wouldn’t enjoy being married to David on a full-time basis. But that is the kind of exchange that makes life a delight for me. The following examples, however, are what make me wonder if we’ll make it to 26 years.

I heard a noise at the basement door late last Sunday night after David had gone to bed. The noise sounded suspiciously like a bat. I had already finished the laundry so I just ran straight to bed without investigating. But this week I made David go to the basement before me and stay down there until I got the wash in the machine.

As I added clothes to the washer, I was on high alert. David rooted around looking for his winter boots. Suddenly, something whooshed past the left side of my body and I yelped—until I realized my buzzard of a husband had thrown a rag at the wall to simulate a bat.

“Don’t do that!” I yelled.

He laughed and resumed his search—until another rag came flying.

A few weeks ago I complained to him.

“My feet are so rough.”

“What are you going to do about it?” he asked.

“I already did something. I put cream on them and put socks on.”

“It’s gonna take more than cream,” he said. “You’re gonna have to use lard.”

On the Observer website, David mentioned that he was writing a story about CFL light bulbs. He’d read that men tend to like them more than women and then went on to say the following.

“That’s true at my house. I think they’re fine; my wife doesn’t like the color of the light, the slight delay in lighting up, the intensity of the light, the hum that some bulbs give off, the mere suggestion of using one, etc.”

So, I sound like an uncompromising close-minded nincompoop, but at least he got the message: the bulbs don’t provide adequate light.

But, you know, he is ever-so-good-natured and he’s usually willing to go along with my ideas.

I told him about an article I read, “Our Best Holiday Ever,” in the December issue of Family Fun magazine. I thought we could do a take-off on “The Great Regifting” idea. 

“We could just wrap up stuff we already have and give it to each other,” I told David.

He immediately and agreeably nodded in the direction of his laptop and said, “Wrap that up for me.”

The couple who submitted “The Great Re-gifting” idea searched around the house on Christmas Eve for things that were particularly precious to the other, then wrapped and set them under the tree. On Christmas morning after opening their re-gifts, they talked about the good things they already possessed.

I was thinking less schmaltzy thoughts. Rather than shop this year, I just want to wrap up stuff I’ve given the kids over the years. Stuff they never wanted, but that I thought looked fun. Stuff like Rozee’s The Art of Belly Dancing kit that includes finger cymbals, a jeweled sticker and a little book on how to belly dance.

I could give them the stuff they didn’t want before and see if they want it now. Or I could switch it up and give stuff I gave Ben to Rozee and stuff for Maddie to Ben.

Or, I could give David the belly dancing kit.

Maybe that’s how those couples stay together so long.

  • Play Practice
    DRAMA—Fayette schools, in conjunction with the Opera House Theater program, will present two plays Friday night at the Fayette Opera House. From the left is Autumn Black, Wyatt Mitchell, Elizabeth Myers, Jonah Perdue, Sam Myers (in the back) and Lauren Dale. Other cast members are Brynn Balmer, Mason Maginn, Ashtyn Dominique, Stephanie Munguia and Sierra Munguia. Jason Stuckey serves as the technician and Trinity Leady is the backstage manager. The plays will be performed during the day Friday for students and for the public at 7 p.m. Friday.
  • Front.F.school
    PROGRESS continues on the agriculture classroom addition at Fayette High School. The project will add 2,900 square feet of space and include an overhead door that would allow equipment to be driven inside. The building should be ready for the start of school in August. Work on ball fields and a running track is also underway.
  • Front.rover
    CLEARING THE WAY—Road crossings in the area on the construction route of the Rover natural gas pipeline are marked with poles and flags as preliminary work nears. Ditches and field entry points are covered with thick planks in many areas to support equipment for tree clearing operations. Actual pipeline construction is progressing across Ohio toward a collecting station near Defiance. That segment of the project is expected to wrap up in July. The 42-inch line through Michigan and into Ontario is scheduled for completion in November. The line is projected to transport 3.25 billion cubic feet of natural gas every day.
  • Front.geese
    ON THE MOVE—Six goslings head out on manuevers with their parents in an area lake. Baby waterfowl are showing up in lakes and ponds throughout the area.
  • Accident
    FAYETTE resident Patricia Stambaugh, 64, was declared dead on the scene of a single-vehicle accident Friday morning south of Morenci. Rescue units were called around 9 a.m., but as of Tuesday, law enforcement officers had not yet determined the time of the accident. According to Ohio State Highway Patrol, Stambaugh was driving west on U.S. 20 when her Chevrolet Malibu traveled off the north side of the road and down a steep embankment, coming to rest in Bean Creek (Tiffin River).
  • Front.teacher Leading
    PRESCHOOL MUSIC—Fayette band director Jeffrey Dunford spends the last half hour of the day leading the full-day preschool class in musical activities. Additional photos are on page 7 of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.poles
    MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.
  • Face Paint
    FUN NIGHT FUN—Savanna Miles sits patiently while Abbie White works on a face paint design Friday during the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Gracie Snead watches the progress after having spent time in the chair. Abbie was one of several volunteer painters, each creating their own unique look. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.

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