2007.11.14 Is there alligator poop in your soup?

Written by David Green.

 

By COLLEEN LEDDY

Is it common knowledge that women marry their fathers and men marry their mothers? Supposedly, women tend to choose husbands who exhibit traits similar to their own fathers and men choose partners similar to their mothers.

I haven’t really given that theory much thought in my own marriage except to notice that David and I don’t seem to have followed this subconscious method of selecting a partner.

David is not at all like my father, and that’s a good thing because copious amounts of alcohol ingestion turned my father into somebody I would in no way want to marry. The list of my father’s bad traits stretches so long and far, David could live several lifetimes and never catch up.

A few weeks ago, David mentioned something about his father worrying about needing to get his eaves troughs cleaned out. I share that same characteristic with Bob: a propensity to worry. Give me any situation and I can contemplate every manner of thing that could go wrong.

“You married your father,” I said, reflecting on that one trait. “I married my mother and that’s a darn good thing.”

My mother was kind, sweet, quiet, responsible, well-disciplined, fiscally responsible, a hard worker who loved to sing and dance.

Had I married my father I would have been stuck with a womanizing arrogant alcoholic, and a beer-bellied bigot to boot. Needless to say, my father was not a pleasant man, and the finest thing my mother ever did was leave him.

David always keep things in perspective and can always make me laugh about the things that make me worry.

The same day I told David he married his father, I recounted an incident from that afternoon that made me think early Alzheimer’s was setting in.

I was in a hurry, driving to the post office, when I saw Kenneth, one of the teens who helped out at the library this summer, walking up the block near the post office. I waved enthusiastically to him and half way down the block realized I had driven right by the post office. I had to drive all the way around the block and I got out of the car just as Kenneth was walking by—so then I had to explain to him I was losing my mind.

“I married my grandmother,” David concluded.

But that wasn’t all. Earlier that day, I was wearing two cardigan sweaters, one had buttons and the other buttonholes. I tried to snap my gray cardigan onto to the buttonholes of my white sweater.

“Yeah, I married my grandmother,” said David, with even more conviction.

Even my dreams are crazy.

Monday evening when I was taking a nap before going to the Observer office, I dreamed that I came home and found David and his brother Dan—and two alligators.

“Who let the alligators in?” I kept asking and Dan finally admitted that he had.

He felt sorry for them because it was getting cold outside. I kept saying the alligators had to go. They were scaring the heck out of me. Every time I turned around there one lay. And I knew there was a third baby alligator and it was nowhere to be seen.

At some point one of the alligators pinned David against the wall by the bathroom and threatened to bite him.

 I was in that half-dream half-sleep state in which I didn’t know what was real. But my dream half was getting scary and my sleep half didn’t want to find out what was going to happen next so I pulled myself out of slumber—to the overwhelming smell of alligator poop.

 As I entered full awakeness and awareness I realized what it was—broccoli soup. I had made it for dinner and the smell of steamed broccoli and the smoked provolone cheese I’d grated into the soup had created quite an odor.

As I wrote down the details of the dream before they dissipated altogether, I heard the little ding indicating a new e-mail had arrived. It was David writing from the office, wondering where I was.

“I just woke up from an hour nap in which I had the most bizarre dream,” I emailed back. “I take it the alligators didn't eat you?”

“I'm missing an arm, dagnabbit,” he wrote back, not missing a beat.

I married a comedian.

  • Front.bridge Cross
    STEP BY STEP—Wyatt Stevens of Morenci makes his way across a rope bridge Sunday during the Michigan DNR’s Great Outdoors Jamboree at Lake Hudson Recreation Area. The Tecumseh Boy Scout Troop constructed the bridge again this year after taking a break in 2016. The Jamboree offered a variety of activities for a wide range of age groups. Morenci’s Stair District Library set up activities again this year and had visits with dozens of kids. See the back page for additional photos.
  • Front.bridge.17
    LEADING THE WAY—The Morenci Area High School marching band led the way across the pedestrian bridge on Morenci’s south side for the annual Labor Day Bridge Walk. The Band Boosters shared profits from the sale of T-shirts with the walk’s sponsor, the Morenci Area Chamber of Commerce. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.eclipse
    LOOKING UP—More than 200 people showed up at Stair District Library Monday afternoon to view the big celestial event with free glasses provided by a grant from the Space Science Institute. The library offered craft activities from noon to 1 p.m., refreshments including Cosmic Cake from Zingerman’s Bakehouse and a live viewing of the eclipse from NASA on a large screen. As the sky darkened slightly, more and more people moved outside to the sidewalk to take a look at the shrinking sun. If you missed it, hang on for the next total eclipse in 2024 as the path comes even closer to this area.
  • Cecil
    THE MAYOR—Cecil Schoonover poses with a collection of garden gnomes that mysteriously arrive and disappear from his property. Along with the gnomes, someone created the sign stating that he is the Mayor of Gnomesville. He hasn’t yet tracked down the people involved in the prank, but he’s having a good time with the mystery.
  • Front.rest
    TAKE A BREAK—Last Wednesday’s session of Stair District Library’s Summer Reading Program ended with a quiet period in a class presented by yoga instructor Melany Gladieux of Toledo. Children learned a variety of yoga poses in the main room at the library, then finished off the session relaxing. Additional photos are on page 7. Area children are invited to visit the library today when the Michigan Science Center presents a flight program at 11 a.m. and roller coasters at 1 p.m.
  • Front.batter
    THE DERBY—Tyler “Smallpox” Flakne of Minnesota’s Home Run League All-Stars goes for the fence Friday night during the National Wiffle League Association’s home run derby in Morenci. This year the wiffleball national tournament moved from Dublin, Ohio, to Morenci’s Wakefield Park. During the derby, competitors had two minutes to hit as many home runs as possible. The winner this year finished with 21. See page 6 and 7 for additional photos.
  • Front.green Screen
    OUT OF THIS WORLD—Elizabeth McFadden and Elise Christle pose in front of the green screen as VolunTeen Noah Gilson makes them appear as though they are standing on the Moon. More photos from the Stair District Library’s NASA @ My Library program are on page 12.
  • Front.fireworks
    FIREWORKS erupt Saturday night over Morenci’s Wakefield Park during the waning hours of the Town and Country Festival. Additional festival photos are inside.
  • Front.batter

Weekly newspaper serving SE Michigan and NW Ohio - State Line Observer ©2006-2017