2007.01.04 Goodbye '06

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

I’ve been not working pretty hard this long weekend. I’ve covered a basketball game, I’ve written a few stories, I’ve worried about returning to work and creating a newspaper, but I’ve also messed around more than I would in a typical weekend.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you this year-end quiz, along with all the answers. In 2007, I resolve to do this no more than once a month.

• Watch it broil

Q: Thieves are stealing oven doors, repackaging them in Wal-Mart boxes and selling them on the street—with power cord and remote—as what?      A: Flat screen TVs.

• What’s with Merle?

Q:  Who sang this song in 2006?

“Let’s get out of Iraq, and get back on the track.”

A: Merle Haggard, who rhymes Iraq with track. I read his song like Iraq and trock.

• Spry seniors

Q:  How many pounds does former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, 69, claim to lift with a leg press? How about 76-year-old evangelist Pat Robertson?   A: 400 pounds. 2,000 pounds.

• Of course, it’s Willy

Q:  Louisiana police found a pound and a half of marijuana on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, but that wasn’t all they found. What else? 

A: Three ounces of psychedelic mushrooms.

• They’re taking over

Q:  The average American home has how many humans and how many TVs?  A: 2.55 humans, 2.73 TVs.

• New menus coming

Q:  The world is on schedule to run out of seafood due to pollution and overfishing by what year?    A: 2048.

• $2 extra for general

Q:  Want to join the Iraqi army? How much will a full commando outfit set you back on the streets of Baghdad?

A: The equivalent of $24.

• Such realism

Q:  Students from a Ft. Lauderdale high school criminology class found the usual plastic skeletons, etc., in a fake crime scene created in a park. What else did they stumble across?

A: The dead body of a homeless man.

• Not quite the real thing

Q:  What is a Flat Daddy?

A: Cardboard cutout photos of soldiers serving in Iraq, distributed to family members through the Maine National Guard.

• Naughty ballot

Q:  What was the typo in the Ottawa (Mich.) County ballot that led to reprinting at a cost of $40,000?

A: In a proposed state constitution amendment, the word “pubic” was used instead of “public.”

• Coming full circle

Q:  How did talk show voice Bill O’Reilly propose to succeed in Iraq?

A: Shoot anyone on sight after dark. “That’s how I’d run that country. Just like Saddam ran it.”

• Who’s he?

Q:  Which album did Rolling Stone magazine pick as the best of 2006?   A: Bob Dylan’s “Modern Times.”

•The best, the worst

Q:  What did the magazine choose as the best and worst movies of the year?  A: “The Departed” and “Bobby.”

• When does the party begin?

Q: . How much money was set aside in the 2006 defense bill for a day-long celebration of  success in Iraq and Afghanistan?

A: $20 million.

• Outsource my life

Q:  Approximately how many American and Briton citizens now work in the information technology industry in India?   A: 30,000.

• Yeah, but he’s Ivy League

Q: How many minutes did it take a Princeton researcher to hack into a Diebold voting machine?    A: One minute.

• Can’t fence me out

Q: What’s the estimated number of “illegal immigrants” living in the U.S. who have simply overstayed a legal visa?  A: 45 percent.

• Excuses, excuses

Q: What do these bad boys all have in common – Mel Gibson, Rep. Mark Foley, Brandon Davis, Ohio’s own Rep. Bob Ney and Danny DeVito?

A: They all blamed booze for clouding their good sense and allowing them to partake in embarrassing behavior.

I think I know what they’re saying. I went through too much quality chocolate last weekend and started acting a little foolish myself.

    - Jan. 4, 2007 
  • Cecil
    THE MAYOR—Cecil Schoonover poses with a collection of garden gnomes that mysteriously arrive and disappear from his property. Along with the gnomes, someone created the sign stating that he is the Mayor of Gnomesville. He hasn’t yet tracked down the people involved in the prank, but he’s having a good time with the mystery.
  • Front.rest
    TAKE A BREAK—Last Wednesday’s session of Stair District Library’s Summer Reading Program ended with a quiet period in a class presented by yoga instructor Melany Gladieux of Toledo. Children learned a variety of yoga poses in the main room at the library, then finished off the session relaxing. Additional photos are on page 7. Area children are invited to visit the library today when the Michigan Science Center presents a flight program at 11 a.m. and roller coasters at 1 p.m.
  • Front.batter
    THE DERBY—Tyler “Smallpox” Flakne of Minnesota’s Home Run League All-Stars goes for the fence Friday night during the National Wiffle League Association’s home run derby in Morenci. This year the wiffleball national tournament moved from Dublin, Ohio, to Morenci’s Wakefield Park. During the derby, competitors had two minutes to hit as many home runs as possible. The winner this year finished with 21. See page 6 and 7 for additional photos.
  • Front.green Screen
    OUT OF THIS WORLD—Elizabeth McFadden and Elise Christle pose in front of the green screen as VolunTeen Noah Gilson makes them appear as though they are standing on the Moon. More photos from the Stair District Library’s NASA @ My Library program are on page 12.
  • Front.snake
    Lannis Smith of the Leslie Science and Nature Center in Ann Arbor shows off a python last week at Stair District Library's Summer Reading Program.
  • Front.fireworks
    FIREWORKS erupt Saturday night over Morenci’s Wakefield Park during the waning hours of the Town and Country Festival. Additional festival photos are inside.
  • Pipeline Spread
    LINED UP—Lengths of pipe were put in place last week along the route of the Rover natural gas pipeline that will stretch from Defiance, Ohio, to Ontario, Canada. Topsoil was removed before the pipes were laid out. The 42-inch diameter pipeline is scheduled for completion in November.
  • Front.rock Study
    ROCKHOUNDS—From the left, Joseph McCullough, Sean Pagett and Jonathan McCullough peer through hand lenses to study rocks. The project is part of Morenci Elementary School’s summer camp that continues into August.

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