2007.01.04 Goodbye '06

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

I’ve been not working pretty hard this long weekend. I’ve covered a basketball game, I’ve written a few stories, I’ve worried about returning to work and creating a newspaper, but I’ve also messed around more than I would in a typical weekend.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you this year-end quiz, along with all the answers. In 2007, I resolve to do this no more than once a month.

• Watch it broil

Q: Thieves are stealing oven doors, repackaging them in Wal-Mart boxes and selling them on the street—with power cord and remote—as what?      A: Flat screen TVs.

• What’s with Merle?

Q:  Who sang this song in 2006?

“Let’s get out of Iraq, and get back on the track.”

A: Merle Haggard, who rhymes Iraq with track. I read his song like Iraq and trock.

• Spry seniors

Q:  How many pounds does former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, 69, claim to lift with a leg press? How about 76-year-old evangelist Pat Robertson?   A: 400 pounds. 2,000 pounds.

• Of course, it’s Willy

Q:  Louisiana police found a pound and a half of marijuana on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, but that wasn’t all they found. What else? 

A: Three ounces of psychedelic mushrooms.

• They’re taking over

Q:  The average American home has how many humans and how many TVs?  A: 2.55 humans, 2.73 TVs.

• New menus coming

Q:  The world is on schedule to run out of seafood due to pollution and overfishing by what year?    A: 2048.

• $2 extra for general

Q:  Want to join the Iraqi army? How much will a full commando outfit set you back on the streets of Baghdad?

A: The equivalent of $24.

• Such realism

Q:  Students from a Ft. Lauderdale high school criminology class found the usual plastic skeletons, etc., in a fake crime scene created in a park. What else did they stumble across?

A: The dead body of a homeless man.

• Not quite the real thing

Q:  What is a Flat Daddy?

A: Cardboard cutout photos of soldiers serving in Iraq, distributed to family members through the Maine National Guard.

• Naughty ballot

Q:  What was the typo in the Ottawa (Mich.) County ballot that led to reprinting at a cost of $40,000?

A: In a proposed state constitution amendment, the word “pubic” was used instead of “public.”

• Coming full circle

Q:  How did talk show voice Bill O’Reilly propose to succeed in Iraq?

A: Shoot anyone on sight after dark. “That’s how I’d run that country. Just like Saddam ran it.”

• Who’s he?

Q:  Which album did Rolling Stone magazine pick as the best of 2006?   A: Bob Dylan’s “Modern Times.”

•The best, the worst

Q:  What did the magazine choose as the best and worst movies of the year?  A: “The Departed” and “Bobby.”

• When does the party begin?

Q: . How much money was set aside in the 2006 defense bill for a day-long celebration of  success in Iraq and Afghanistan?

A: $20 million.

• Outsource my life

Q:  Approximately how many American and Briton citizens now work in the information technology industry in India?   A: 30,000.

• Yeah, but he’s Ivy League

Q: How many minutes did it take a Princeton researcher to hack into a Diebold voting machine?    A: One minute.

• Can’t fence me out

Q: What’s the estimated number of “illegal immigrants” living in the U.S. who have simply overstayed a legal visa?  A: 45 percent.

• Excuses, excuses

Q: What do these bad boys all have in common – Mel Gibson, Rep. Mark Foley, Brandon Davis, Ohio’s own Rep. Bob Ney and Danny DeVito?

A: They all blamed booze for clouding their good sense and allowing them to partake in embarrassing behavior.

I think I know what they’re saying. I went through too much quality chocolate last weekend and started acting a little foolish myself.

    - Jan. 4, 2007 
  • Homecoming Court
    HOMECOMING—One senior candidate will be chosen Morenci’s fall homecoming queen during half-time ceremonies Friday at the football field. In the back row are seniors Mikayla Price, who will be escorted by Mason Vaughn; Madison Bachman, escorted by Kiegan Merillat, and Mikayla Reinke, escorted by Griffin Grieder. Senior Ariana Roseman is absent from the photo. Her escort is Garrett Smith. In the front is sophomore Abbie White, who will be escorted by Ryder Price; junior Madysen Schmitz, escorted by Harley McCaskey and freshman Madison Keller, escorted by Jarett Cook.
  • Front.cross
    HUDSON RUNNER Jacob Morgan looks toward the top of the hill with dismay during the tough finish at Harrison Lake State Park. Fayette runner Jacob Garrow focuses on the summit, also, during the Eagle Invitational cross country run Saturday morning. Continuing rain and drizzle made the course even more challenging. Results of the race are in this week’s Observer.
  • Front.bear
    HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.
  • Front.crossing
    Crossing over—Jim Heiney was given a U.S. flag to carry by George Vereecke (behind Jim in the hat), turning him into the leader of the parade. Bridge Walk participants cross over Bean Creek while, in the background, members of the Morenci Legion Riders cross the main traffic bridge on East Street South. Additional photos appear on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.hose Testing
    HOSE safety—The FireCatt hose testing company from Troy put Morenci Fire Department hose to the test Monday morning when Mill Street was closed to traffic. The company also checks nozzles and ladders for wear in an effort to keep fire fighters safe while on calls.
  • Front.starting
    BIKE-A-THON—Children in Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program brought their bikes last Tuesday to participate in a bike-a-thon. Riders await the start of the event at the elementary school before being led on a course through town by organizer Leonie Leahy.
  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks

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