2011.03.23 Failure of the moron slayer

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

I want you to know that I did my best to remove the morons from Morenci, to disassociate this city with its clever nickname at the Detroit Free Press sports department.

I also, for the most part, failed.

Ever since Mick McCabe took over as the Free Press high school sports reporter, Morenci readers have been offended when Mick makes predictions about our sports teams in tournaments.

I think I wrote him a note years ago about this—maybe when the football team went to the Silver Dome—but it didn’t do any good. I really do appreciate Mick’s dedication to getting high school sports in a major daily newspaper, but I think his nicknames are somewhat on the lame side.

Last week in the quarterfinals, for example, he predicted Sand Creek would lose its quarterfinal game to Niles Brandywine. His prediction: Elderberry Wine 53, Sandy Pebbles 48. I think Sand Creek is always listed as Sandy Pebbles when they’re in the state tournament.

Goodyear (Goodrich) was predicted to beat Country Dog (Country Day) and Fill it to the Brim (Brimley) was supposed to beat Woof Woof (Bark River-Harris). Oh, and by the way, Athens Messenger (Athens) was picked to beat Moron City.

Yes, Mick has called us Moron City for many, many years.

After his quarterfinal prediction, I wrote him a note. I sent it off at midnight after I finished addressing papers following Morenci’s win.

“Since Morenci proved you wrong in the Athens game, how about dropping the Moron City nickname that you’ve used for so many years? It’s really the cruelest of all your nicknames.”

After all, moron—as used in science—refers to a slightly retarded person. In common usage, it’s a stupid person having poor judgement. Of course he isn’t being serious, but of course we aren’t morons, either.

I knew that would get me nowhere, so I told him I could play the pity card. I reminded him of the Skeltons and mentioned the Fletcher accident and a horrible car crash before that.

“We need something positive (like the girls going to the semifinals) rather than to be called a city of morons.”

I needed a suggestion for a new name and I offered Little Motown. 

“We do have some Detroit connections: Tyree Guyton was here for a Heidelberg program at our library. Former Free Press publisher Ed Stair is a Morenci native. Michael Rosenberg of the Free Press was here for a program. In June we'll have a visitor talking about the Chrysler turbine car. Detroit TV stations are often here covering the Skelton news. So how about ditching the morons and changing us to Little Motown?”

Shortly before noon on Wednesday, he wrote back: “Point taken, but come on, you’ve got to come up with something better for me than Little Motown. You’ve got about two hours before I have to send this in. Pressure’s on.”

I posted it on Facebook and received Morencitucky. Others offered State Line City, Morone City (another spelling for the color maroon and also a carnivorous fish), Mostenci and Way Mor-enci. I went home for lunch working on rhymes: More Ansty. More Frenzy. More Coffee. More Entropy.

I sent in my suggestions and mentioned that one reader referred to Mick as the moron.

“Well, I am a moron,” he answered, “which is why I identify so closely with Morenci. Good luck Friday. You might need it.”

I wrote back: “You moron. We play on Thursday.” I explained that I just couldn’t resist that one.

“A perfect example of my moronocity,” he responded. “It never ends.”

I eagerly awaited my Free Press the next day to see both his prediction and his name for us. I was doubly disappointed.

He said we would be beaten by Woof Woof and he gave us a thinly-veiled change to More On City, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

I think he must be proud of Moron City and it’s really difficult for him to give it up.

We failed in our two-hour opportunity to come up with something else, but now we have some time to buy before a Morenci team is once again advancing in the tournament.

This means we have lots of time to get thinking and vanquish the morons once and for all.

  • Front.nok Hok
    GAMES DAY—Finn Molitierno (right) celebrates a goal during a game of Nok Hockey with his sister, Kyla. The two tried out a variety of games Saturday at Stair District Library’s annual International Games Day event. One of the activities featured a sort of scavenger hunt in which participants had to locate facts presented in the Smithsonian Hometown Teams exhibit. The traveling show left Morenci’s library Tuesday, wrapping up a series of programs that began Oct. 2. Additional photos are on page 7.
  • Station.2
    STRANGE STUFF—Morenci Elementary School students learn that blue isn’t really blue when seen through the right color of lens. Volunteer April Pike presents the lesson to students at one of the many stations brought to the school by the COSI science center. The theme of this year’s visit was the solar system.
  • Front.leaves
    MAPLE leaves show their fall colors in a puddle at Morenci’s Riverside Natural Area. “This was a great year for colors,” said local weather watcher George Isobar. Chilly mornings will give way to seasonable fall temperatures for the next two weeks.
  • Front.band
    MORENCI Marching Band member Brittany Dennis keeps the beat Friday during the half-time show of the Morenci/Pittsford football game. Color guard member Jordan Cordts is at the left. The band performed this season under the direction of Doyle Rodenbeck who served as Morenci’s band director in the 1970s. He’s serving as a substitute during a family leave.
  • Front.poles
    MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.
  • Front.cowboy
    A PERFORMER named Biligbaatar, a member of the AnDa Union troupe from Inner Mongolia, dances at Stair District Library last week during a visit to the Midwest. The nine-member group blends a variety of traditions from Inner and Outer Mongolia. The music is described as drawing from “all the Mongol tribes that Genghis Khan unified.” The group considers itself music gatherers whose goal is to preserve traditional sounds of Mongolia. Biligbaatar grew up among traditional herders who live in yurts. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.
  • Front.bear
    HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.

Weekly newspaper serving SE Michigan and NW Ohio - State Line Observer ©2006-2016