2011.03.09 Potatoes in the pipes

Written by David Green.

Sandy Shepherd has been after me again about an old April Fool’s story. Not just any story. It was the king of April 1 that she was after: the tale of when Morenci became part of Ohio.

Many of you will remember Rick and Sandy Sheppard. Rick served as pastor at the Morenci United Methodist Church. He also served a church in Saginaw and that’s where the Sheppards had an odd incident with instant mashed potatoes.

Sandy occasionally furnishes columns for a little weekly paper in Iowa—I can’t recall the story of how that got started—and she wanted to write something for early April about my infamous prank.

She sent her future column to me to read and she also attached a potato column. I took one look at it and offered a trade. She could write anything she wanted about me in Dayton, Iowa, if I could have the potato story this week. Here it is.

By Sandy Sheppard

My husband almost left me over a box of instant mashed potatoes.

Well, maybe that’s a teeny tiny exaggeration, but the incident did give him something to tease me about for years. It wasn’t that he discovered I was feeding him instant rather than homemade. Nothing quite that simple. Because when it came to mashed potatoes, we were in total agreement—we both disliked the boxed kind. Only real, creamy, buttery mashed spuds would do. Here’s how the whole thing started…

We were living in our first parsonage in Saginaw, where Rick served as Associate Pastor in a large church. I worked full-time at the Wickes Lumber Home Office, so fixing dinner after a long workday required some effort.

I searched the contents of the fridge one evening after work. The leftover roast beef needed mashed potatoes, but there was not enough for two good-sized servings. I decided to stretch the remaining potatoes by adding some instant, hoping Rick wouldn’t notice the difference. I found a half-full box at the back of the cupboard where it had sat for a long, long time. Too long, in fact. 

BUGS! It crawled with bugs!

Without thinking, I poured the contents down the churning garbage disposal and turned on cold water. There! All gone! I dropped the empty box into the trash and went back to fixing dinner. We’d just have to share the leftover potatoes.

Later, my husband washed his hands and watched as the sink filled up with soapy water. “Did you pour something down this sink? It seems to be stopped up.” He looked at me questioningly.

“I don’t think so.” I shrugged.

He brought out his tools despite the advice a plumber once gave him after a Saturday night fiasco with some leaking bathtub pipes. “Reverend, you’d better stick to preaching and leave the plumbing to professionals.”

In a minute he took apart the trap under the sink. Clean as a whistle. Next he tried threading the metal snake down the pipe. No luck. The water still refused to go down the drain.

Frustrated, he eyed me again as he headed for the basement. “Are you sure you didn’t put anything down this drain?”

“Well, I did pour some instant mashed potatoes into the garbage disposal. But it went right down, so that couldn’t be the problem.”

“Why’d you do that?”

The answer seemed quite obvious. “It had bugs. I didn’t want them crawling around in the trash can.” 

He gave me his “I can’t believe anyone could be so dumb” look and went downstairs, muttering under his breath. 

A few minutes later the phone rang, and Rick answered it on the basement extension. Suddenly I heard him bellow, “Sandy, come down here!” I quickly answered the voice of authority and stopped, transfixed, at the bottom of the stairs. Rick had dismantled a trap in the ceiling pipes. He stood, phone still in hand, behind the ironing board where he had strategically placed a bucket under the open trap. Large quantities of fluffy mashed potatoes, slightly greenish-tinted, dripped noisily into the bucket.

Plop! Plop! Plop!

“Oh!” I raised my eyebrows and looked at him innocently. “Do you want me to heat up the gravy?”

  • Front.splash
    Water Fun—Carter Seitz and Colson Walter take a fast trip along a plastic sliding strip while water from a sprinkler provides the lubrication. The boys took a break from tie-dyeing last week at Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program to cool off in the water.
  • Front.starting
    BIKE-A-THON—Children in Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program brought their bikes last Tuesday to participate in a bike-a-thon. Riders await the start of the event at the elementary school before being led on a course through town by organizer Leonie Leahy.
  • Front.drum
    on your mark, get set, drum!—Drew Joughin (black shirt), Maddox Joughin and Kaleea Braun took the front row last week when Angela Rettle and assistants led the Stair District Library Summer Reading Program kids in a session of cardio drumming. The sports and healthy living theme continued yesterday with a Mini Jamboree at Lake Hudson State Park arranged by the Michigan Department of Natural Resources. Next week’s program features the Flying Aces Frisbee show.
  • Front.art.park
    ART PARK—A design created by Poggemeyer Design Group shows a “pocket art park” in the green space south of the State Line Observer building. The proposal includes a 12-foot sculpture based on a design created by Morenci sixth grade student Klara Wesley through a school and library collaboration. A wooden band shell is located at the back of the lot. The Observer wall would be covered with a synthetic stucco material. City council members are considering ways to fund the estimated $125,000 project and perhaps tackling construction one step at a time.
  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks

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