2010.02.24 Odd man out

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

There are people who make a living by annoying other people. It pays if you’re in the right business, such as working for a company engaged in opinion polls.

I recently came across an article about a poll by Rasmussen Reports, purveyor of “the most comprehensive public opinion data anywhere.” “...that I’ve never heard of,” I might add. Fortunately, I’ve never been called away from dinner to answer any of their survey questions.

A few of the company’s recent polls have discovered that:

• 47% believe U.S. can win in Afghanistan;

• 49% favor building new nuclear plants;

• 47% blame global warming on planetary trends and 41% says climate change is no longer a serious problem;

• 36% look forward to Valentine’s Day and 20% dread it.

You think I’m making that last one up, right? Wrong. If your business is tied up in polling people, you have to get on the telephone and start polling people, no matter how silly the question.

The concept of making a poll just to make a poll came to mind when I saw a poll with the title “What Did You Do Last Week?”

I learned fascinating information such as this:

• 85% of Americans watched the news on television. Those over 40 years of age are much more likely to than younger people.

I’m pretty deep in a minority already on that one. I never watch television news. Can’t stand the stuff. Makes me want to throw objects at the screen.

I’m referring to “local” news, all the garbage that the Toledo stations consider worthy of reportage. I could make a newspaper with a similar format. Round up every bit of bad news I could find in Morenci, Fayette and the area. And you know what would happen? Readership would skyrocket. People would love it. Screaming headlines about traffic accidents and loose dogs. Our crime is much tamer than Toledo’s, but with effort it could be done.

Seven parking tickets issued! Front page coverage of every suspicious situation. Just what sort of damage was done in that domestic assault?

That’s how to get 85% of local residents reading the Observer, and have I ever gotten sidetracked.

I don’t watch TV news. I listen to the news on public radio.

Sixty-three percent of Americans engaged in a sport or physical exercise last week. I could have answered “yes” to the question, but only if details weren’t required. We went walking once. I ran up and down the stairs once. Not much.

Sixty percent of Americans went out to dinner last week; 86% of those making more than $100,000. Count me out once again. My wife suggested dinner out Friday night, but I stayed late working on Parents’ Pride. I suggested it Saturday night—some fish at the Legion—but Colleen fell asleep after staying up half the previous night.

Fifty-three percent had friends visit. Not us. We were seldom home. This poll is actually from Super Bowl week and Rasmussen believes that question might have been skewed.

Fifty-nine percent found time to read a book; women more than men and government employees more than the remainder of us. I read old New Yorkers or Rolling Stones every night in bed, but usually not books.

Here’s a puzzling one: 46% attended a church service and 51% did not. That leaves a mysterious 3% who did neither. Come to think of it, I think I’m among that 3%.

Pastors are doing much better than theatre owners. Only 14% of Americans attended a movie theatre and finally I’m in the majority. I watched one entire movie and finished another, but it was all in my living room.

Forty percent of adults had an alcoholic beverage—Republicans more than Democrats—and married people drank more often than unmarried. I would like to be part of this crowd, but I really don’t like the taste of alcohol. Even wine tastes bitter. But vinegar is fermented stuff and I had a lot of good balsamic vinegar in the past week—on rice, on the weird stew thing I made, on salad. It wasn’t exactly a beverage, but I had my alcohol right there with the married Republicans.

OK, Rasmussen, I admit it. I am not a normal American, but I didn’t really need a poll to figure that out.

  • Front.splash
    Water Fun—Carter Seitz and Colson Walter take a fast trip along a plastic sliding strip while water from a sprinkler provides the lubrication. The boys took a break from tie-dyeing last week at Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program to cool off in the water.
  • Front.starting
    BIKE-A-THON—Children in Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program brought their bikes last Tuesday to participate in a bike-a-thon. Riders await the start of the event at the elementary school before being led on a course through town by organizer Leonie Leahy.
  • Front.pokemon
    LATEST CRAZE—David Cortes (left) and Ty Kruse, along with Jerred Heselschwerdt (standing), consult their smartphones while engaging in the game of Pokémon Go. The virtual scavenger hunt comes to life when players are in the vicinity of gyms, such as Stair District Library, and PokéStops such as the fire station across the street. The boys had spent time Monday morning searching for Pokémon at Wakefield Park.
  • Front.drum
    on your mark, get set, drum!—Drew Joughin (black shirt), Maddox Joughin and Kaleea Braun took the front row last week when Angela Rettle and assistants led the Stair District Library Summer Reading Program kids in a session of cardio drumming. The sports and healthy living theme continued yesterday with a Mini Jamboree at Lake Hudson State Park arranged by the Michigan Department of Natural Resources. Next week’s program features the Flying Aces Frisbee show.
  • Girls.on.ride
    NADIYA YORK and Aniston Valentine take a spin on the Casino, one of the rides offered at Wakefield Park during Morenci’s Town and Country Festival. This year’s festival remained dry but with plenty of heat during the three-day run. Additional photographs are inside this week’s Observer.
  • Front.softball
    Angela Davis (2) and teammate Allison VanBrandt break into a jig after Morenci's softball team won its third consecutive regional title.
  • Front.art.park
    ART PARK—A design created by Poggemeyer Design Group shows a “pocket art park” in the green space south of the State Line Observer building. The proposal includes a 12-foot sculpture based on a design created by Morenci sixth grade student Klara Wesley through a school and library collaboration. A wooden band shell is located at the back of the lot. The Observer wall would be covered with a synthetic stucco material. City council members are considering ways to fund the estimated $125,000 project and perhaps tackling construction one step at a time.
  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks
  • Funcolor
    LEONIE LEAHY was one of three local hair stylists who volunteered time Friday at the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Her customer, Aubrey Sandusky, looks up at her mother while her hair takes on a perfect match to her outfit. Leahy said she had a great time at the event—nothing but happy clients.
  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.

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