2009.12.30 A year gone

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

It’s that time of the year when I sit with a stack of 51 Observers—a year’s worth of labor—and pull out interesting items for the year-in-review edition. Occasionally I glance at page 3 and I hear myself saying, “I wrote that?”

Among my odd tales, I wrote about my little bag of gris-gris, a Christmas present from New Orleans. Voodoo in my pocket that now, a year later, has lost its magic and needs to be recharged.

I wrote of a cheery holiday movie that told what Earth will be like when humans no longer rule the planet.

The first mention of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste was published in the Observer last January. It’s for diaper rash.

The Observer received a best of its class award in the state newspaper contest. As editor, publisher, sportswriter, etc., I went to Grand Rapids to retrieve the plaque, then came home and chipped ice from an eavestrough after failing as staff janitor.

 I wrote about the welcome lack of service at Altu’s Ethiopian restaurant in East Lansing, but I had trouble eating my sourdough plate.

I planned to do sleep inertia studies by ripping a quilt off a sleeping spouse, but feared for my safety.

I felt oddly sad when recalling an incident from 17 years ago when I didn’t stop to buy a soft drink for my son. Let it go, you dork.

I finally discover Skype and begin making free phone calls—to the neighbors’ house half a block away. At the moment, there are 15.7 million people signed in with Skype.

I asked if May Baskets still exist and heard back from several readers. One of them concludes that May Baskets are rarely hung these days because no one is ever home.

I reported on an odd sight at the state track meet. Because of the position of the sun, I couldn’t look at the flag during the National Anthem. Instead I looked at the crowd and saw men without hats—at a sporting event, no less. Very funny.

I provided an update on trepanation—drilling holes in the head. It’s an age-old cure for what ails you.

The subject of human taxidermy came up at a social gathering. Something useful such as an umbrella stand? Something familiar like sitting on the sofa with the remote? Think about it now while you have the time.

I cautioned that washing a ripe pear and drying it on a bath towel will get you in trouble with the spouse.

I wrote about my free sample of Frieda’s Black Garlic—mushy, odoriferous, a little terrifying. Strange stuff, but I want more.

I told about a rare trip to the mall where I encountered a clothing store clerk who had to wear a backpack all day and another whose bright blue underwear were exposed at the top of his pants. I fled.

 I offered this suggestion for lice control: Mix lard and sulphur and rub along the back and tail. Unfortunately, it attracts flies.

A photo was shown of one of my proudest home repair projects: a C-clamp attached to the broken kitchen sink faucet. We finally had a handsome new faucet installed, but I miss that clamp.

Note for the next school reunion: Attach name tags to the forehead for easy identification.

I checked my pulse by attaching a drinking straw to my neck—and determined I was still functioning.

Mention of the old football bridge brought a visitor to the office who spoke of the absolute terror she experienced when her gym class headed for the park via the rickety bridge.

I don’t consider myself a cellphone refusenik, but I still don’t have one. My wife is threatening to give me one, but really, I don’t feel like talking.

I continue to get junk e-mail for Ms. Leddy and I now have an odd desire to buy a pair of FuzziBunz.

I volunteer to help judge another state’s newspaper contest and soon entered the Five Stages of Judging Day Grieving.

The year came to a close with a leg cramp and several suggestions were received, the latest delivered in person on Christmas Eve. No, it wasn’t from Santa. It came from my fake Uncle Bill: Drink more water.

That’s the end of one year, but another one is soon beginning and this space will have to  be filled. Maybe you’ll read more about this item:

When I awoke from an odd dream this morning, my invisible friend asked, “Have you ever actually written a news story based on interviews you conducted in a dream?”

“Only city council stories,” I answered.

  • Front.splash
    Water Fun—Carter Seitz and Colson Walter take a fast trip along a plastic sliding strip while water from a sprinkler provides the lubrication. The boys took a break from tie-dyeing last week at Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program to cool off in the water.
  • Front.starting
    BIKE-A-THON—Children in Morenci’s Summer Recreation Program brought their bikes last Tuesday to participate in a bike-a-thon. Riders await the start of the event at the elementary school before being led on a course through town by organizer Leonie Leahy.
  • Front.pokemon
    LATEST CRAZE—David Cortes (left) and Ty Kruse, along with Jerred Heselschwerdt (standing), consult their smartphones while engaging in the game of Pokémon Go. The virtual scavenger hunt comes to life when players are in the vicinity of gyms, such as Stair District Library, and PokéStops such as the fire station across the street. The boys had spent time Monday morning searching for Pokémon at Wakefield Park.
  • Front.drum
    on your mark, get set, drum!—Drew Joughin (black shirt), Maddox Joughin and Kaleea Braun took the front row last week when Angela Rettle and assistants led the Stair District Library Summer Reading Program kids in a session of cardio drumming. The sports and healthy living theme continued yesterday with a Mini Jamboree at Lake Hudson State Park arranged by the Michigan Department of Natural Resources. Next week’s program features the Flying Aces Frisbee show.
  • Girls.on.ride
    NADIYA YORK and Aniston Valentine take a spin on the Casino, one of the rides offered at Wakefield Park during Morenci’s Town and Country Festival. This year’s festival remained dry but with plenty of heat during the three-day run. Additional photographs are inside this week’s Observer.
  • Front.softball
    Angela Davis (2) and teammate Allison VanBrandt break into a jig after Morenci's softball team won its third consecutive regional title.
  • Front.art.park
    ART PARK—A design created by Poggemeyer Design Group shows a “pocket art park” in the green space south of the State Line Observer building. The proposal includes a 12-foot sculpture based on a design created by Morenci sixth grade student Klara Wesley through a school and library collaboration. A wooden band shell is located at the back of the lot. The Observer wall would be covered with a synthetic stucco material. City council members are considering ways to fund the estimated $125,000 project and perhaps tackling construction one step at a time.
  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks
  • Funcolor
    LEONIE LEAHY was one of three local hair stylists who volunteered time Friday at the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Her customer, Aubrey Sandusky, looks up at her mother while her hair takes on a perfect match to her outfit. Leahy said she had a great time at the event—nothing but happy clients.
  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.

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