2009.04.08 Talking bears, flying Bullfrogs

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

When I heard my wife running up the stairs and into the bedroom, I knew why she was there. I figured she must have heard an odd noise and I knew where it came from.

I had just awakened from a dream. In the dream, I was lying on the basement stairs in our old house on Cawley Road where I grew up.

I no longer remember what was in the basement, but I was in a very familiar situation. It’s one I’ve experienced many times in dreamland—so many times that it seems as though I must have lived it in conscious life, too.

It feels like a heavy weight is pressing down on me and I can barely move. I want to stand up or at least crawl up the stairs to get away, but I can’t.

I try to speak and my voice doesn’t work, either. It comes out like a.…

I’ll let my wife describe it.

“Are you all right?” she asked after quietly standing over me for a few moments. It must have been 1:30 in the morning.

“It sounded like a bear trying to talk.”

As soon as I heard her on the stairs, I knew that my inner bear was growling out loud. It’s sort of like when you put your finger on the turntable (I’m writing for older people here, those who know vinyl on a turntable) and slow down the record. The voice comes out s-l-o-o-o-w and strange. In the dream, you can actually feel it dragging out slowly. I really hate that feeling.

–0–

Last week I received a phone call from a man named Lee Robinson. I remembered that name. I don’t know how many years it’s been since I’ve seen Lee—many, many years—but he was calling because of a printing job that I was preparing.

When we finished business, I told him that I remembered the time that I walked out the front door of the place where he works in Wauseon and saw him wiping something on his windshield. He told me it was Rain-X and said you don’t even have to use your windshield wipers with this stuff. The water just runs right off.

That day probably occurred in the mid-1980s and I guess it must have made quite an impression on me. Perhaps 25 years have passed since that Rain-X day.

When I mentioned this incident to Lee last week, he asked if I was still using the stuff and I had to tell him that I never even started. I should have asked him if he was still using it.

I went to the Rain-X website a few minutes ago and I was soon wondering if Lee overstated the wonders of the product. If rain just runs right off the windshield, then why is the featured product a windshield wiper?

The company still sells Rain-X Original (“watch raindrops fly off your windshield,” just like Lee said), but the main item on the opening web page is the Rain-X Latitude Contoured Beam Wiper Blade.

I suppose you still need a good blade to wash a dirty window when it isn’t raining.

According to the locator tool, I can buy the blade in two locations in Wauseon or five in Adrian. Adrian, it says, is only 14.1 miles away. That must be as the bullfrog flies.

–0–

Ground-breaking research from the United Kingdom shows that dogs do, in fact, resemble their owners.

Dr. Workman from Bath Spa University showed volunteers a portfolio of dog owners and asked whether they owned a labrador, a poodle or a bull terrier. They got the answer right twice as often as would be expected by chance.

The big tough guy tends to own a big tough dog. Based on my Observer office window research, that’s not too surprising. I’d go along with that finding to some extent.

Dr. Workman also studied whether or not a link existed between a dog’s personality and its owner’s personality. No such thing. Volunteers expected pit bull owners to be a little stupid and labrador owners to be nice, but that didn’t hold up.

Dr. Workman’s conclusion: You shouldn’t judge people by their dog. Certainly not; give the mutts a break.

My thoughts turn to school mascots and the personality of the team. Bulldogs and eagles and...flying bullfrogs and such.

As I drove to the printer last week to pick up my papers, I asked myself, “Was I suppose to put ‘April Fools’ at the end of that story?”

No, no, no, one reader told me. That would be like having the answers to the crossword puzzle in front of you, right side up.

OK, so I’ll say it now: April Fools.

  • Front.train
    WRECKAGE—Morenci Fire Department member Taylor Schisler walks past the smoking wreckage of a semi-truck tractor on the north side of the Norfolk and Southern Railroad tracks on Ranger Highway. The truck trailer was on the south side of the tracks
  • Front.sculpta
    SCULPTORS—Morenci third grade students Emersyn Thompson (left) and Marissa Lawrence turn spaghetti sticks into mini sculptures Friday during a class visit to Stair District Library. All Morenci Elementary School classes recently visited the library to experience the creative construction toys purchased through the “Sculptamania!” project, funded by a Disney Curiosity Creates grant. The grant is administered by the Association for Library Services to Children, a division of the American Library Association.
  • Funcolor
    LEONIE LEAHY was one of three local hair stylists who volunteered time Friday at the Morenci PTO Fun Night. Her customer, Aubrey Sandusky, looks up at her mother while her hair takes on a perfect match to her outfit. Leahy said she had a great time at the event—nothing but happy clients.
  • Shadow.salon
    LEARNING THE ROPES—Kristy Castillo (left), co-owner of Mane Street Salon, works with Kendal Kuhn as Sierra Orner takes a phone call. The two Morenci Area High School juniors spent Friday at the salon as part of a job shadowing experience.
  • KayseInField
    IN THE FIELD—2004 Morenci graduate Kayse Onweller works in a test plot of wheat in Texas. She’s part of Bayer CropScience’s North American wheat breeding program based in Nebraska, where she completed post-graduate work in plant breeding and genetics.
  • Front.winner
    REFEREE Camden Miller raises the hand of Morenci Jr. Dawgs wrestler Ryder Ryan as his opponent leaves the mat in disappointment. Morenci’s youth wrestling program served as host for a tournament Saturday morning to raise money for the club. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.bank.2
    SHERWOOD STATE Bank opened its Fayette office at a grand opening Friday morning, drawing a large crowd to view the renovated building. Above, Burt Blue talks to teller Cindy Funk, while his wife, Jackie, looks around the new office. The Blues missed the opening and took a quick tour on Tuesday. Few traces remain of the former grocery store and theater, however, part of the original brick wall still shows in the hallway leading to the back of the building. The drive-through window should be ready for customers later in the month.
  • Front.make.three
    FROM THE LEFT, Landon Wilkins, Ryan White and Logan Blaker try out their artistic skills Saturday afternoon at the Morenci PTO’s first Date to Create event. More than 50 people showed up to create decorated planks of wood to hang from rope. The event served as a fund-raiser for miscellaneous PTO projects. Additional photos are on the back of this week’s Observer.

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