2006.04.26 Four stars, no rats

Written by David Green.

By DAVID GREEN

As you’ve probably read across the page recently in my wife’s column, our son Ben has accepted a job with a landscape architecture firm in Miami. You might say that Colleen is making the best of that choice.

Crime and cockroaches, hurricanes and humidity—a lot of unpleasant things come to mind for her when she thinks of that city. Most of all, I suppose, is that it’s a long way from Morenci.

I remember driving an old beater to my first job interview after college, and I didn’t get hired. Ben was flown to five interviews and every one of the firms wanted him. Several of his relatives were rooting for Atlanta, but of course it was his choice and there were good reasons for choosing the company in Miami.

Now he’s in search of a place to live before work begins in June. Before he heads down in person, he’s been looking around via the angry, dissatisfied people who make comments at apartmentratings.com. Here’s a sample:

“You cannot have any guest parking so I hope you have about a million in meter change or risk parking across the street where the chance of your car being broken into is 75% and your walk to the building will be accompanied by crack heads.”

Well, I don’t know if that takes it out of the running. Let’s see what another reviewer says.

“The first time you go there you like it, but then start the problems. I’m agree that the smell where really bad. I also had a neighbor that always he opened his door a bad very bad odor came out his aparment. The hallway always smell it like cigarrette smoke blended with past food and dog excrement, a really bad smell.

“Next the Pool. impossible to take a bath there. Well I finally stayed only 4 months before I take my things and Go. Conclusion that apartment is really apartment for people without behave.”

Some of these places have dozens and dozens of ratings that are more like warnings to stay away. Topic headings like these abound: DO NOT MOVE HERE; Run away!; Rudest people in Miami; What a nightmare; You’ll be sorry if you move here; If you like to be abused, this is the place.

Amid these notes is an occasional high rating like this one: “Great location and the apartment quality is not bad; wonderful management and tenants very happy here. I’d recommend it to anyone.”

Other times you get a more puzzling one: “very nice, beouse is like a house, tropical stly, beatiful pol.”

After one of the rare, five-star ratings are posted, someone else will come back with something about how only the management could have written anything like that. Don’t believe a word. Not even “beouse”? I liked that word a lot.

“Ceiling fans are only for decoration.”

“If air conditioning goes, expect a two-week wait for it to be fixed. If the windows are blown out by a hurricane, expect a six-month wait for them to be fixed.”

“Mosquitoes in the elevators.”

“Roach infested garbage bin near the pool.”

“Every floor has its own smell, food on some floors, garbage on others.”

“Elevators smell like dog droppings.”

Maybe these enants are just acting too harsh. What would they say about my house? Ratings are based on seven factors.

Parking: It’s dropped in quality a little since the neighbor’s vacant drive is now often used by a construction crew. I’d give us a three.

Maintenance: Let’s not even go there. Two stars.

Construction: There’s no work going on here, but does that make us five stars or does that reflect back on maintenance?

Noise: Give us a four. The dogs aren’t bad currently, it’s just those darn miniature scooters driving by.

Grounds: I just mowed Friday night and the bleeding heart is blooming. Four stars.

Safety: Five stars. No accidents to report. Just don’t walk around in the dark.

Office Staff: Five stars, and if you don’t like it you can move to Miami.

I give us a rating of four. Not bad at all. Top that, Ben. And to quote that one writer who was discussing Miami’s Design Place, “I have not seen any rats.”

  • Front.bridge Cross
    STEP BY STEP—Wyatt Stevens of Morenci makes his way across a rope bridge Sunday during the Michigan DNR’s Great Outdoors Jamboree at Lake Hudson Recreation Area. The Tecumseh Boy Scout Troop constructed the bridge again this year after taking a break in 2016. The Jamboree offered a variety of activities for a wide range of age groups. Morenci’s Stair District Library set up activities again this year and had visits with dozens of kids. See the back page for additional photos.
  • Front.bridge.17
    LEADING THE WAY—The Morenci Area High School marching band led the way across the pedestrian bridge on Morenci’s south side for the annual Labor Day Bridge Walk. The Band Boosters shared profits from the sale of T-shirts with the walk’s sponsor, the Morenci Area Chamber of Commerce. Additional photos are on the back page.
  • Front.eclipse
    LOOKING UP—More than 200 people showed up at Stair District Library Monday afternoon to view the big celestial event with free glasses provided by a grant from the Space Science Institute. The library offered craft activities from noon to 1 p.m., refreshments including Cosmic Cake from Zingerman’s Bakehouse and a live viewing of the eclipse from NASA on a large screen. As the sky darkened slightly, more and more people moved outside to the sidewalk to take a look at the shrinking sun. If you missed it, hang on for the next total eclipse in 2024 as the path comes even closer to this area.
  • Cecil
    THE MAYOR—Cecil Schoonover poses with a collection of garden gnomes that mysteriously arrive and disappear from his property. Along with the gnomes, someone created the sign stating that he is the Mayor of Gnomesville. He hasn’t yet tracked down the people involved in the prank, but he’s having a good time with the mystery.
  • Front.rest
    TAKE A BREAK—Last Wednesday’s session of Stair District Library’s Summer Reading Program ended with a quiet period in a class presented by yoga instructor Melany Gladieux of Toledo. Children learned a variety of yoga poses in the main room at the library, then finished off the session relaxing. Additional photos are on page 7. Area children are invited to visit the library today when the Michigan Science Center presents a flight program at 11 a.m. and roller coasters at 1 p.m.
  • Front.batter
    THE DERBY—Tyler “Smallpox” Flakne of Minnesota’s Home Run League All-Stars goes for the fence Friday night during the National Wiffle League Association’s home run derby in Morenci. This year the wiffleball national tournament moved from Dublin, Ohio, to Morenci’s Wakefield Park. During the derby, competitors had two minutes to hit as many home runs as possible. The winner this year finished with 21. See page 6 and 7 for additional photos.
  • Front.green Screen
    OUT OF THIS WORLD—Elizabeth McFadden and Elise Christle pose in front of the green screen as VolunTeen Noah Gilson makes them appear as though they are standing on the Moon. More photos from the Stair District Library’s NASA @ My Library program are on page 12.
  • Front.fireworks
    FIREWORKS erupt Saturday night over Morenci’s Wakefield Park during the waning hours of the Town and Country Festival. Additional festival photos are inside.
  • Front.batter

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